This is one of two stories exploring the opposing views on a proposed constitutional ban on gay marriage. Here’s the other side of the story.
Ten years ago, Ray Boltz was a Christian singer who packed large churches across the country. He and his wife, Carol, lived a comfortable life outside Muncie. They were secure in their conservative Christian faith that viewed homosexuality as a sin.
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Then Boltz, who had grappled privately with depression, told his wife of three decades and their four grown children something startling.
He is — and always has been — gay.
In many ways, what came next for the Boltz family reflects the ongoing evolution of attitudes toward gay rights and same-sex marriage in Indiana over the past decade.
As the state nears the final rounds of consideration for a proposed constitutional ban on gay marriage — an amendment that has seen decreasing support in the polls — the Boltzes now are among many Christians who have come to accept same-sex relationships.
Ray Boltz rejects the view of some evangelicals, who cite individual Bible verses as condemning homosexuality, as too literal and too selective. He and many mainline Christians focus instead on Jesus’ broader exhortation to “love your neighbor as yourself,” a theme he sees as unifying.
For them and other opponents of the constitutional ban, the fight against it means creating a chance to provide equal rights to all couples, allowing employers to provide benefits to gay partners and making sure Indiana is a welcoming place for all.
“It just seems that that was what Jesus did: He reached out to people who were judged, and he didn’t judge them,” Boltz said. “That’s the way I want to live my life.”
Overcoming religious doubts was not easy for the Boltz family. There was lots of soul-searching. Ray Boltz lost many of his Christian fans. And Carol Boltz said she faced judgmental glances in her hometown.
Ray and Carol divorced, eventually negotiating new terrain as best friends. Their children, now raising children of their own, say they ultimately grew closer to their father.
And Ray Boltz, seeking a fresh start, moved to Florida to live what he calls his newly “authentic life,” finding a male partner who’s now part of the family.
“I think a lot of people, with this issue, will never change their minds until it affects someone close to them, someone that they trust,” said daughter Liz Boltz Ranfeld, now 31.
“I wish that wasn’t the case. I wish people came to it naturally.”
Before coming out as gay, Christian singer Ray Boltz was probably best known for his song “Thank You,” which won the Gospel Music Association’s Dove award for song of the year in 1990. Here’s a YouTube video of him singing that song:
After revealing publicly in 2008 that he is gay, Boltz released the spiritual album “True,” which includes the song “Don’t Tell Me Who to Love,” an anthem for marriage equality. Here’s a YouTube video of him singing that song:
Growing coalition
Opponents are pinning their hopes of defeating House Joint Resolution 3 on the increasing public acceptance of same-sex relationships.
Even if the legislature approves the amendment and sends it to voters in November, they hope public opinion continues to move so swiftly that the measure is doomed at the ballot box.
A growing coalition of forces against the proposal also is giving them encouragement.
Freedom Indiana, a bipartisan coalition formed in August, has drawn a steady drumbeat of support from major employers such as Eli Lilly, Cummins and Emmis Communications; colleges and universities from Indiana University to tiny Hanover College; faith groups and mainline churches; and business organizations including the Indy Chamber.
What unites opponents is a belief that the amendment debate already is sending an unwelcoming message that hurts Indiana’s ability to recruit workers and build a vibrant economy.
And they say that message is being spread far and wide. As the only state considering a constitutional ban this year, Indiana has put itself under the glare of a national spotlight as ground zero for the debate over gay rights
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Opponents also see more tangible risks if the amendment passes.
Its far-reaching language likely would prohibit recognition of civil unions and other similar arrangements. Courts also could strike down domestic partner benefits offered by public and even some private employers, opponents fear.
The Rev. Howard Boles, senior pastor at Downtown’s Roberts Park United Methodist Church, is among 300 or so faith leaders to publicly oppose the amendment. He supports recognition of same-sex marriages, though church doctrine still bars him from performing them.
“That’s been a piece of my theology and my understanding for a very long time,” Boles said. In signing a clergy petition against the amendment, “I wanted to take a clear stance to say I believe that all of us are children of God, and love is love no matter how it is manifest.”
These days, the Boltzes have similar views.
Carol Boltz, 61, said she probably would have supported Indiana’s proposed amendment a decade ago. Now, though, she believes that “we should provide for people to have family and to be legally protected.”
“Things are changing because people are standing up and living authentic lives,” said Ray Boltz, 60, who now lives in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., with his partner Franco Sperduti, whom he met a few years ago through a softball league. “It’s not changing because people are protesting.”
Wanting to feel at home
For many Hoosier couples, there is much at stake, despite assurances from lawmakers that they don’t intend any wide-ranging effects on protections or employer benefits.
Broadly, opponents fear the amendment’s passage now would stall progress for gay couples in Indiana while other states speed ahead and begin reconsidering their marriage bans.
Kim Allman, 52, and Leisa Waggoner, 54, want their recent marriage in Connecticut, after 24 years together, to matter at home. The Indianapolis couple exchanged vows in a legal ceremony a few days after Christmas with their two teenagers and other family on hand.
Short of the hope for full recognition one day, they want to preserve Waggoner’s adoptive parent rights for Chris, 17, and Sara, 15. And they hope that the state eventually will recognize Waggoner as a domestic partner on the insurance policy it provides to Allman, a state human resources employee.
“We have literally suffered financially because we have had to carry family insurance and individual insurance to have any insurance coverage for Leisa,” Allman said.
Ray Pfeil, 53, and Jim Luther, 56, a Carmel couple for 18 years who plan to marry in May in Minneapolis, also want their marriage to carry weight in Indiana.
After a U.S. Supreme Court ruling last year, both couples will get federal recognition for tax and other purposes.
But that’s not enough, say Pfeil and Luther, who, like Allman and Waggoner, keep a patchwork of legal documents close at hand in case they need them to prove hospital visitation rights or in other emergencies.
For one thing, Pfeil and Luther aren’t looking at the issue only as a couple.
Luther owns Luther Consulting, a software and information technology contractor that collects HIV prevention and hepatitis data for the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and also has state government contracts. He employs 27 people, including Pfeil.
“The issue, for me, is trying to recruit staff — especially IT staff,” Luther said. “Right now, the IT market is extremely tight. We cannot find enough programming staff. Unfortunately, people look at (the proposed amendment) and it becomes an issue, in terms of ‘Do I really want to move to Indiana?’ “
Bloomington couple Abby Henkel, 27, and Sarah Perfetti, 29, aren’t as worried that Indiana won’t recognize their upcoming August nuptials, which will take place in the backyard of Perfetti’s parents’ home in Lowell, with Henkel’s Indianapolis-based family also attending. They figure the tide will bring legal same-sex marriage to Indiana sooner or later.
But the lingering exclusion still stings. They and their families plan drive to Chicago for a legal courthouse ceremony beforehand.
“It would be ideal,” Perfetti said, to have a fully legal ceremony in Indiana. “We met in Bloomington, we bought our first house in Bloomington, we’re the directors of Bloomington Pride. It would be perfect to get married here.”
The couple met while both were attending graduate school at IU. They worry that the amendment could endanger the domestic partner health benefits that Perfetti, an education policy researcher at IU, gets for Henkel.
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Backers of the amendment recently introduced a companion measure that asserts legislators’ intent that the amendment won’t affect any existing protections or benefits.
Freedom Indiana, though, is among skeptics that say the legislative statement could carry little weight in court if anyone files a legal challenge.
Evolving faith
The Boltzes, like some opponents, have a new optimism that victory over the amendment is possible in Indiana.
They point to their own progression. When Ray came out, the family long had followed a fundamentalist Christian faith tradition.
“Basically, I believed that the only option for me was to declare that being gay was a sin and to reject it,” Ray Boltz said.
For years, he struggled without telling his family. He sought counseling. He read books about overcoming homosexuality. He prayed.
But it wasn’t working. And in late 2004, his family pressed him to spill whatever was troubling him. Now, he says he’s found peace.
For Carol Boltz, her husband’s revelation upended her life, her status in the community and her faith. She struggled, at first.
But she, too, has adapted, after a spiritual journey that she credits with broadening her perspective and leading to new understanding and friendships. She still lives in the family home in the country near Albany, Ind., but attends a different church that she considers more open minded.
“The crux of the problem is that I had been told that people chose to be gay,” Carol Boltz said. “And I knew Ray was telling me, ‘I never chose this. I knew it from when I was a little child.’ “
Throughout, she stayed close to Ray. After he came out publicly in a 2008 interview with the Washington Blade, a gay newspaper in Washington, D.C., she read emails he received from fans that were filled with spiritual condemnation, even vitriol.
But in some messages, the senders thanked Ray Boltz for serving as a role model, an inspiration.
Musically, he hasn’t looked back. In 2010, Boltz recorded a new album called “True,” that reflects his evolving faith and more open life. While his earlier popular songs had titles including “The Anchor Holds” and “Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb,” a key new track declares: “Don’t Tell Me Who to Love.”
Carol and Ray Boltz now have seven grandchildren. Ray is a doting grandfather, his ex-wife said, and the family often gathers for meals at a local Pizza King restaurant when Ray and Franco visit.
“Ray and I have our history, and we have our kids, and I still say he’s the best friend I ever had,” Carol Boltz said. “We’re still a family, in a very different way.”
And, like her ex-husband, she fears Indiana will send a hurtful message to other non-traditional families by passing the amendment.
Call Star reporter Jon Murray at (317) 444-2752. Follow him on Twitter: @IndyJonMurray.
Proposed marriage amendment
What House Joint Resolution 3 says: “Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in Indiana. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized.”
What it changes: It would elevate Indiana’s current law banning same-sex marriage to the Indiana Constitution and likely would prohibit the state from recognizing civil unions or other similar arrangements.
Where it stands: Legislators passed the amendment in 2011 on a 70-26 vote in the House and a 40-10 vote in the Senate. Now a required second round of legislative review is under way. HJR3 was introduced in the House this year and awaits a vote in the Judiciary Committee as soon as the coming week.
What’s next: If both chambers pass the amendment with the same wording this year, it will go to Indiana voters in November.
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