Capybaras are so popular as pets, it seems like everyone is getting one. No need for a permit, they’re legal everywhere¹. There are scads of them on the internet. Just send your deposit of $1000, and they’ll put you at the top of their wait list!
There are so many available, people must be breeding them like crazy! That’s great because I heard that you have to get at least two and I bet you can find a bunch of them for sale on the internet. You can pick up an entire clutter!² In fact, I just went to one website and put five male and five female capybaras in my shopping cart. I was thrilled to see that if I lived in Texas, it would be a flat rate shipping charge of $50! That took some of the sting out of the $19,000.00 price tag.
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Then I noticed the field for “coupon code.” I always poke around to see if I can find a coupon- I can almost always find one for free shipping, so that would be even better! I’ll just hold off on that purchase until I can properly check out the coupons. I wouldn’t want to be taken for a fool, right? According to the website they have already sold 9,223,372,036,854,775,808³ capybaras. They must be millionaires by now!
So what do you think? Should I “PROCEED TO CHECKOUT?” Of course not. I googled the address. It looks like a feed store to me. You can also fill your propane tank and rent a U-Haul trailer. Not much activity on the Facebook page since they set it up, and the Instagram has got a few birds listed. YouTube has some little rodents and a monkey. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, it’s just that there are no capybaras. Capybaras are a big deal, that’s why you are reading this. If they are breeding capybaras, where are the capybara photos?
The capybara photos are under the DESCRIPTION. All nine photos are of- you guessed it- Dobby. Well, I am certainly not going to pay $1800 for my own late pet. I knew it sounded too good to be true. The “description” was somewhat satisfying, though, as it was told in my own words, probably from an old blogpost. Plagiarized, however, no credit was given to me. They even stole the photo captions.
I’ll try again to find a reputable breeder from an internet search. The second promising website has lots of capybara photos that are not Dobby (or Caplin, JoeJoe, Gari, Cheesecake, Mudskipper, or Sweetie) or any of those other celebrity capybaras. Of the three “13 week old” capybaras that are shown, one looks about 2 weeks, another looks about 4 months old, the third is nearly a year, with Japanese informational brochures taped to the wall behind him. It’s not easy to photograph baby capybaras, but this is hard to swallow.
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How about the group images of their breeding clutter²? Google image search wasn’t much help because these photos have been used far and wide and on so many websites that to determine the original is a waste of time. From the food in one photo, my guess is a zoo. From the river in the background of another I guess wild capybaras from South America.
Bingo, the third photo is credited to a photographer from a wildlife center in the UK. Not a capybara breeder in- wait, let me check- downtown San Francisco. Gosh, I wish I had known that while I was working a few blocks away! Wait a minute- the contact person has the same name as the one in our first dubious website. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. It’s too bad because, on this website, ten capybaras would have only cost me $8000, but of course they only have the three 13-week old babies. They probably get you on the shipping, anyway.
So how do you find a good breeder? There aren’t many out there worth messing with. The best one has retired, and your second best bet is a breeder who learned from her. Ask some questions- where did they get their stock? Are they importing new bloodlines? Or are they a backyard breeder who ended up with a pair and now they think maybe the female is pregnant? Would you buy a pedigreed poodle from this breeder? How about a monkey? Ask about their veterinarian. Above all- visit the facility. Go take a look, or at least have someone check it out in person for you. And before you send people on wild goose chases, make sure they are really legal in your country, state, county, city, and neighborhood.
Still no luck? Contact the ROUS Foundation¹¹- we have opinions. Join the Capybara Owners page at Facebook. Do your homework, these are delicate finicky animals, don’t let their size deceive you! Ask your veterinarian about their capybara experience. Getting a blank stare? Maybe time to reconsider getting a mini-capybara¹².
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1 I lied. They’re hardly legal anywhere.
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2 That’s herd to you neophytes. (Melanie and I made up the clutter thing.)
3 That’s 9 quintillion plus change, not even close to a googol. But can you imagine the synchronized swimming exhibition they could perform? Scare the heck out of the caiman.
11 Melanie Typaldos (and me) at [email protected] (WordPress only has 1, 2, and 3 in superscript.)
12 Guinea Pig, not a beginner pet, trust me on that. I’m considering a Go Fund Me for Paco’s heart medicine.
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You can donate to Dobby’s friends at Stacy’s Funny Farm, a non-profit pet sanctuary, here. You can also watch videos at our YouTube channel here. We get lots of money from the ads!
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