10 Real Challenges of Long-Distance Relationships
In long-distance relationships (LDRs), people tend to idealize their partners, creating a more perfect image of them than their realities. As a result, once the couple reunited and the realities came to light, the relationship soured, and partners split up.
But the final breakup is just the tip of the iceberg. Even early in your long-distance relationship, you may already be experiencing some of these issues. And the longer you are in an LDR, the more issues and challenges there will be.
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So let’s look at why you may fail while in the process. Here is a list of what kills many long-distance relationships, figure out ways to head off these issues, and deal with them after they have arrived to help your bond survive.
1. Going Into a Long-Distance Relationship with Blinders On
This is one of the biggest reasons why long-distance relationships fail. You’re in love; you’ve developed emotional intimacy; and if you are geographically together, there has been plenty of physical intimacy too. You have been able to spend quality time together, learn a lot about each other, and have a shared vision for your future together. You’re feeling pretty optimistic about the relationship overall.
“None of this will change just because we have to be apart,” you both say, “our relationship is so strong, distance makes no difference.”
Really? If you haven’t taken the time to discuss and realize how each of your lives will change, what challenges you will face, and how you plan to deal with them, then you are not ready for this separation. Simply put, you leave the future of your relationship to chance.
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2. You Are Not Together on Your Expectations
What are the expectations that each of you has for this long-distance relationship? How often will you talk, message, have phone calls, etc.? Video calls are easy; couples can video chat anytime, day or night. It helps to see your partner while you talk; that’s how physical intimacy is possible long-distance.
Even though it’s all digital, you still can connect intimately in a long-distance relationship.
But expectations go much further than that. One partner may expect the other to move closer so they can be together eventually. The other partner expects they will be separated indefinitely while pursuing their own educational and/or career goals. The unresolved issues that come from differing expectations can kill long-distance relationships.
Without much communication and compromise, different expectations will cause partners to slowly and sometimes painfully drift apart. These are things long-distance couples must discuss all along the way.
3. One or Both Are Just Unhappy
It’s just plain hard to be separated when you are in a relationship, and no amount of phone calls or video chats can substitute for real physical intimacy.
Some partners can stand this long-distance relationship challenge, but others may feel sad often. They see their best friend going out with their SO, having fun, and being intimate – and long for the same connection. They try to keep busy with other things, but that does not become a satisfying diversion when there is physical distance.
Unhappiness can lead to conflicts and a lack of patience. It is one of the common reasons why long-distance relationships fail. Again, at least one partner begins to drift away and may look for a new romantic connection where they are.
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That’s how being sad kills long-distance relationships over time. If this sounds like you, you should discuss your options to remedy the situation and keep your relationship alive. Is one of you willing to move closer? Can you transfer to schools that are closer? Is one of you willing to look for employment where the other is? It’s really a matter of how important the relationship is to both of you.
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4. Someone Has Cheated
Oh boy. This is one of those deadly mistakes that will kill long-distance relationships pretty quickly, especially if one partner has remained faithful. This person will rightly feel the betrayal.
On the flip side, though, the partner who erred may have done so as a one-time thing, in a moment of weakness, possibly even promoted by alcohol. But it will poison the relationship once and forever.
Fixing the cheating problem will not be easy to accomplish long-distance. It will require the partners to spend time together, putting effort into the relationship repair. Trying to fix a long-distance relationship while still far apart does not have a good prognosis.
Related reading: Psychology Behind Cheating and Lying
5. Boredom Can Lead to a Lack of Effort and Attention
Yeah, even pure boredom often kills long-distance relationships. This is how dissatisfaction causes their slower death.
You could have texted and said you were at the party, but you didn’t. Why? Because you are becoming a bit bored with this routine and beginning to see it as an effort or obligation rather than a joy. Absence is getting “old” and not making the heart grow fonder. Ultimately, this drifting can cause arguments and dissatisfaction – and kill your long-distance relationships.
So, what can you do to decrease the boredom? Just what people do in non-long-distance relationships!
Change things up to add some excitement to the relationship. Of course, this is harder in a long-distance relationship, but get creative. Plenty of ways exist to put some pizzazz in your long-distance relationship and keep things new and exciting:
- Send surprise gifts
- Have their favorite meal delivered
- Produce a porno film featuring just you
- Read the same book or watch the same movie
Just come up with many surprising things – keep them wondering what’s next.
6. Insecurities Causing Lack of Trust
When one partner is insecure in the relationship, they can do things that annoy or anger the other partner:
- Call and text to the point of irritation
- “Stalk” social media accounts and question new friends or followers they don’t know
- Reveal the need to know where their partner is at all times of the day or night
By seeing this, another partner starts to feel a lack of independence. That’s why nothing kills long-distance relationships faster than these actions become a habit.
In this scenario, the root cause may not be the distance between the people involved – the partner may have deep-seated insecurities for other reasons. The long distance just magnifies those insecurities.
“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt – you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling-like having your heart carved out.”
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Sherrilyn Kenyon
Insecure people have a tough time trusting others. So if you’re the one feeling these insecurities, do not accuse your partner of being unfaithful. Remember that your partner wants to be independent and confident you, even if you have to fake it till you make it.
Related reading: How to Build Trust in a Relationship: 15 Tips
7. Differences Start to Crack Common Ground
Relationships tend to blossom when partners share common interests, beliefs, values, goals, etc. But while spending more time apart, these common things may become different. One partner may be exposed to a different “world” that is no longer compatible with their partner’s. That’s how the future compatibility of these relationships takes a hit.
These growing differences are often a cause for what destroys long-distance relationships – and ultimately, the relationship ends. Unfortunately, communication about these changes on the part of one partner may only serve to widen those cracks in the relationship. Partners discover they don’t have a lot to talk about anymore.
The distance is no longer just geographic – it is mental and emotional too. These long-distance relationships end quietly as each person realizes they are no longer on the same journey.
8. Consistent Communication Breaks Down
When a long-distance relationship is new, each partner vows to keep communication going on a regular basis. They have even set scheduled times for phone calls and video chats. And in between, they may send sweet texts. But as time goes on, and life just gets in the way, gradually the schedule breaks down. A partner gets busy with school or work; the other does the same.
The feelings may still be there, but they don’t seem to be focused on making enough time for that critical communication, if only just talking about their days and feelings.
Couples do not focus on each other as they should when this breaks down, and, over time, it kills long-distance relationships. They die a slow death. This is not to say that the spark cannot be rekindled when the absence ends, but it will be like starting the relationship again.
Related reading: Does Distance Really Make the Heart Grow Fonder?
9. Not Being Honest
All relationships rely on honesty, but a long-distance relationship is even more so. That’s why in LDRs, each partner must honestly assess their feelings about their partner and the nature of the relationship:
- Are you frustrated that you do not see the other person often enough? Are you afraid to speak those feelings? If so, that’s dishonest.
- Are your feelings for the other person beginning to wane? And you haven’t been talking about this? Not only is it dishonest, but it’s unfair.
- Are your future plans changing? Are you avoiding having conversations about it?
- Do you feel the need to take a break and date others?
Trying to express that everything is fine rather than speaking the truth is wrong. It will come out eventually. And if you’re looking to kill your long-distance relationship, that’ll do it. It’s no crime to put a relationship on hold or to end it if it’s not working for you. Just be honest with yourself and your partner.
10. Thinking Too Idealistically
Refer to the study mentioned above. Partners cannot go into a long-distance relationship believing there will be no struggles, relationship issues, frustration, etc. Two people about to embark on a long-distance relationship must be realistic and understand that life apart is hard to maintain and that one consequence may be the end of the relationship.
At the same time, it’s not good to go into this relationship with a negative attitude – that kills long-distance relationships before they even begin.
The goal is to maintain a realistic approach, keep that communication open and honest, and find ways to love and support one another from afar, getting physically together as often as possible. It takes commitment and real effort.
Source: https://t-tees.com
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