If the answer’s “Yes”, or even if you just want to make sure you won’t be ‘walked over’ or ‘used’ by women in the future, then keep reading and check out the video above…
In this article, and video from our YouTube channel, I’m going to talk about what’s actually going on in terms of the social or relationship dynamics at play when girls are able to take advantage of guys, and also how you can avoid being taken advantage of by women in the future. Sound good?
Most men don’t realise that whether or not women can take advantage of you usually comes down to your own personal boundaries. So it’s not always purely about the woman, although they may of course play some role.
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If you’re a guy who’s been mistreated by a woman in the past, your ability to at least consider the previous sentence above is often the difference between whether or not you will successfully avoid women taking advantage of you again in the future. So stick with me here, and let me explain.
How does being taken advantage of by women happen to men?
There’s an old expression which says “Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile”. This is referring to is the nature of humans to get away with as much as you let them. This applies to both men and women. So people will push and take as far as they can until they meet a boundary which stops them. Often we don’t actually know where the boundaries are until we reach them, or in some cases, when we cross those boundaries. That’s how we actually find out where boundaries are. For example, think back to when you were a kid and you would misbehave to test your parents resolve.
Firstly, problems of taking advantage/being taken advantage of arise in a relationship (or even a friendship) when someone doesn’t realise that they are responsible for choosing and enforcing their own personal boundaries.
The second thing is when someone also doesn’t have the skills or confidence to enforce their personal boundaries.
At The Legends Academy, we teach our dating clients something called ‘The Superhero Mindset’. This teaches men how to communicate to women confidently and attractively. Personal boundaries are a huge part of this.
How and why women change their behaviour depending on the man they are with
What I’ve personally discovered from my experiences dating many beautiful women, and through coaching thousands of men, is that women will often tailor, modify or change their behavior depending on the man they’re with (and depending on their mood, but that’s a whole other topic!).
So for example, if a woman is with a guy who is confident, who has had strong personal boundaries, and who has high standards, she will bring her ‘A-Game’ to her interactions with him. She’ll be on her best behavior. She’ll be elegant and charming, she’ll be punctual, she’ll offer to contribute to bills for expenses etc. I’ve had many experiences like this where beautiful women I was dating would buy me gifts, dinner, drinks, they would chauffeur me around etc.
Now, on the other hand, with a more ‘provider-style’ sort of ‘beta-male’ guy, who doesn’t really have a strong sense of reality, or who isn’t very confident, women will often be a bit more bratty. They’ll have characteristics that are not as nice and they won’t treat the guy as well. And sadly, for the most part, this is because the guy simply allows them to get away with it. This is often done in a way where the guy somewhat sets the expectation that it’s ok for the woman to take advantage of him.
So for example, whenever they go to dinner, he always insists on paying, so she’ll let him pay. Or if they’re out together and he’s buying her gifts, she’ll let him buy those things for her. Or if she asks him to chauffeur her around, he’s going to do it without hesitation. Or if she bosses him around, or if she’s grumpy and so on, he’s going to let her do all these things. He’s rarely (or never) going to stand up for himself and say something like, “Hey, come on, I don’t think that’s fair”.
As humans, rightly or wrongly, we often interpret the lack of any objection to mean that everything is acceptable.
So because there is no objection from the guy, and because he keeps doing everything she asks of him, she’s just going to keep doing it, and basically allowing her to treat him this way.
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Can you relate to this?
Why do men allow women to treat them badly or to disrespect them?
The reason so many men allow women to treat them like this is because, sadly, a lot of guys believe that if they aren’t accommodating of the woman’s behaviour, eg, if they don’t continue to:
- buy women things
- pay for everything
- buy them gifts
- be super nice and complimentary
- put up with her bratty behaviour, bossiness etc…
That the woman will lose interest, be put off, and that she’ll ultimately leave him. Men often believe this sort of this because it’s they way relationships are so often portrayed in media, movies and so on. For instance, we’re told that it’s up to the guys to buy everything, and the guy has to be so nice to her and win her affections etc.
So often this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if the man ever stops buying her stuff because he gets to the point where he’s sick of being walked over and she’s not contributing and so on, she often will actually leave because the ‘river of good times’ has dried up, and because the man hadn’t ever actually cultivated any genuine connection with her. Their whole interaction was founded on him funding their activities, buying her nice things, complimenting her and so on.
Also, even if he does keep buying her things, because he may believe that the only thing about him that she’s interested in is that, then she will often realise that as well. So even if she enjoyed the gifts and wining and dining and compliments and so on, if the man then tries to advance things towards intimacy, this can force her to realise that there’s not enough substance to his character for her to respect and be attracted to him. And as a result of that, she will lose interest and give up on him.
Going further still, and this is really really unusual to the point where you are going to probably be a bit upset when you find this out. Girls will often actually keep around them the guys with that weak reality and that sort of undefined and poorly enforced personal boundaries. They sometimes keep these guys in their orbit as a sort of ‘sponsor’ as it were. So they’ll keep these men in their social circle, they’ll keep going out for dinners with them and so on, just to sort of keep the guy in the loop. Because they obviously enjoy the aspect of having things bought for them. They enjoy having a guy around who pumps their emotional state with compliments and gifts because it makes them feel good about themselves.
BUT, this doesn’t always mean this type of arrangement will lead to intimacy. In fact, more often than not, it doesn’t, and it instead leads to the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’. This used to happen to me too before I learned how to become my most confident and attractive self. By the way, if this has happened to you, you can learn how to get out of the friend zone here.
The two different roles women play depending on the man they’re with
As an example of what I described above, I’ll give you an example. There was a time when one of my girlfriends happened to be an especially beautiful woman (she was literally a fashion model). She had so many guys wanting to buy her things and take her out all the time, and we’d sometimes talk about this. In one conversation, she told me that, if she wanted to, she could be taken out to the finest restaurants in town every night of the week by and endless queue of different guys who were lining up to date her. She’d be able to get wined and dined at no expense to herself and get showered with compliments and gifts.
For instance, I remember being at her place when she’d been given the latest flat-screen TV, and the latest smartphone at no cost, by guys who she just called “friends”. She literally had so many guys trying to buy her things and be nice to her and trying to get her attracted to them that she would actually not have to pay for anything at all if she didn’t want to. So she could basically have her whole, really nice lifestyle funded for her by these guys that were trying to date her and get her interested in them.
I’ve dated a lot of beautiful women over the years and they often they live in that same sort of universe (to varying degrees) where they have this option available to them. Where men will be lining up to give them everything they want, even when they don’t have to reciprocate that in return. Now in fairness, for the most part, those girls didn’t seem to take advantage of it even though they certainly could have. In fact, a lot of them actually hated it and they were often turned-off by this type of supplicatory behaviour.
That being said, what many of these beautiful women I dated would do is they’d keep these ‘sponsor’ guys who were buying them everything in the ‘friend zone’. They would go out and get wined and dined by their ‘sponsor’. They’d feel really great. Then they would say “good night” to their ‘sponsor’ guy, and then they’d ring me up and say “Oh hey, what are you up to? You want to catch up?”. And then her and I would end up spending intimate time together and dating in a romantic capacity.
It was at a point where I would I would kind of feel sorry for the guys that were being used as the ‘sponsor’ and funding these girls. Because often these guys are doing their best but they just don’t know that there is another option available if they learn about how dating works. But the truth is I used to be one of those guys! I used to be the one that thought I had to buy them everything and so on. That was the way I used to think you had act to get girls attracted to you.
How to avoid being used and taken advantage of by women
If you want to avoid being walked over and taken advantage of by beautiful women in the future, the first thing you’ll need to do is take personal responsibility for learning and practicing the qualities of being the most confident and naturally attractive version of yourself. This includes leaving behind those crappy old behaviors and beliefs that are responsible for any previous poor results.
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The second thing you’ll need to do is start to live and abide by the following mantra:
“I decide what behavior I do or do not accept from other people”.
You are the one deciding, at any point in time, what behavior you do and don’t accept from people. So if for instance a girl’s being bratty to you etc, it’s up to you to exercise your personal boundaries and to call her out on it. You don’t need to make it a rude or aggressive confrontation. It could be something as simple as non-compliance, eg:
Her: “So how about you pick me up tomorrow morning and drive me to work?” You: “No, that doesn’t work for me in the morning. Maybe we can catch up another time that works better.”
Or if she suggests going out for dinner and you paid last time, you might say, “Sure. Especially as it must be your buy this time…”
(You can learn more about the topic of ‘who pays?’ and how to exercise your personal boundaries in this video and article)
Lastly, in my experience, being taken advantage of rarely comes down to the girls. Even if you’ve been taken advantage of by women in the past, the same women would have acted differently if you had met them when you had strong boundaries. Just like a naughty kid won’t respect someone who doesn’t keep them in line, women don’t respect men who let themselves be pushed around by women. Women can’t take advantage of you unless you let them. And if they continue to disrespect you, if you never see or contact them again, how can they continue to take advantage of you?
What I’ve just been talking about has been heavily, heavily summarised to avoid this article turning into a novel. I could literally talk for at least a day on this topic alone, because it’s such a huge thing. I know for myself when I was overcoming this that it was a huge turning point for me.
I hope this helped you like it helped me when I learned these things. If it helped you, and if you think it could help a friend, too, please share this with them.
Thanks for reading!
Ben Alexander
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Category: WHY
