To start this out, I’m a pretty social creature. I like meeting and spending time with friends-of-friends, and I have a thoroughly “the more the merrier” attitude. If I make plans with people, and I happen to run into another friend of mine who seems interested, I see nothing wrong with inviting them along. All of my friends are from college, so everyone knows everyone else, and has met at least once or twice. It’s never someone completely new.
That being said, I have one friend of mine who is HIGHLY against the idea that anyone else not explicitly invited to a specific activity join in. If we were in a restaurant, and someone we knew ran into us, and I said, “pull up a chair and join us!”, she’d be very annoyed. Many times, because the circle is so small, I find myself talking to a lot of people about plans, I try to spend time with Dana, but it always becomes incredibly awkward when others want to join and I have to keep telling them, “Oh, er, I’d love to have you, but um, Dana doesn’t like other people along. It’s not personal!” I feel like I’m insulting/rejecting people by proxy.
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And this isn’t once in a while when she’s having a bad day and wants it to be just us, it’s EVERY time. One time, I cluelessly brought a mutual friend to a birthday party of hers, naturally assuming “the more the merrier”, and she got VERY angry at me. And this was someone she hangs out with and knows! I was mystified at the reaction, and so was my incredibly embarassed guest (he had assumed he was welcome, also)! Of course I’ll never bring someone to an event of hers again without asking, I now see that it was crossing her line, but if we’re just hanging out at a diner and someone else wants to spend some time, I feel very uncomfortable telling them, “Dana is uncomfortable with other people being around, so you can’t stay” or, “I know you’ll be in the same place at the same time, but we can’t really spend any time together, because Dana is with me and she wouldn’t like it”.
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I feel like it’s selfish on Dana’s end to insist that other people are never included in our plans. In our circle, young people, recent college graduates, this is definitely a minority attitude, a relatively insulting one, and one that I don’t understand. That being said, maybe I’m being very rude to her. I feel like, in this situation, I’m being forced to be rude to SOMEONE- either by excluding other people, or by ignoring her clear preference to never see anyone she doesn’t explicitly include in plans.
I’d like other opinions on this. Am I being rude? Is she being unreasonable? Is there a middle ground, or so I just have to resign myself to capitulating to her social reclusiveness whenever we see eachother?
Source: https://t-tees.com
Category: WHEN
