When it comes to dating, the phrase “nice guys finish last” has become a common belief. The idea suggests that women may claim to want a partner with good qualities, but secretly desire the thrill and challenge that comes with dating a “bad boy”. This concept is so prevalent that there are even self-help books and courses teaching men how to attract women by insulting them, also known as “negging”.
Recently, an article published by Broadly claimed that “bad boys” are universally desirable, and even backed this statement with a scientific study. The study, published earlier this year, suggested that some men engage in smoking and drinking to appear more attractive as short-term partners. However, this article fails to recognize that being “bad” encompasses much more than simply smoking and drinking excessively.
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So, the question remains: do women truly prefer “bad boys” who are insensitive and macho? Let’s take a closer look at the scientific evidence.
Personality Preferences
One way to investigate this issue is by presenting women with hypothetical men of different personality types and observing their preferences. In a study conducted, participants were asked to help a fictional character named Susan choose a date from three male contestants based on their answers to her questions. One contestant was described as nice, in touch with his feelings, caring, and kind. Another contestant claimed to be a “real man” who was insensitive and unkind. The third contestant gave neutral answers.
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Contrary to the stereotype that nice guys finish last, both Susan and the participants themselves overwhelmingly chose the nice contestant as the preferred date. This finding suggests that women actually prefer nice men.
In another study, dating ads were analyzed, and individuals who described themselves as altruistic (volunteering at the food bank, for example) were rated as more attractive for both short-term and long-term dating. Additional studies have consistently shown that women prefer men who are sensitive, confident, and easy-going, and that very few, if any, women want to date aggressive or demanding men. The evidence is clear: women prefer nice partners.
In fact, the power of being nice should not be underestimated. Some studies have even shown that having a nice personality can positively influence perceptions of physical attractiveness. Warmth, kindness, and basic decency are qualities valued by both women and men, making individuals with these traits more desirable partners and visually appealing.
The Allure of Narcissists
However, it is true that some individuals find “bad” people attractive, particularly narcissists. Narcissists display traits such as self-importance, superiority, entitlement, arrogance, and a tendency to exploit others. In initial encounters, narcissists can be perceived as very attractive, likely due to their efforts in appearance and presentation. Studies have indicated that female narcissists wear more makeup and show more cleavage, while male narcissists focus on building their muscle mass.
In the short term, narcissists may appear well-adjusted, entertaining, and pleasant. However, over time, their true colors emerge. Narcissists struggle to maintain a favorable impression and are often seen as less adjusted, less warm, and more hostile and arrogant. Unsurprisingly, narcissists do not thrive in long-term committed relationships and tend to avoid them.
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It’s crucial to note that there are various reasons why individuals end up dating “bad” people. Some may be repeating patterns from past relationships, while others may make poor decisions due to the stress of dating. Some might simply buy into dating myths and behave accordingly. However, for the most part, the evidence suggests that both women and men prefer nice partners and are turned off by jerks.
Breaking the Stereotype
The “nice guys finish last” stereotype not only contradicts years of scientific evidence, but it also hinders the possibility of forming meaningful relationships. Perpetuating this myth creates unhelpful expectations about how people should behave, and attempting to live up to this stereotype can result in damage to relationships.
In reality, the notion that women are attracted to bad boys reinforces a misogynistic idea of deceitful women and “nice” men puzzled by their lack of dating success. It allows some men to shift blame onto women and harbor negative feelings towards them, deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings. So, if you’re seeking advice from science, the answer is simple: be nice.
Image credit: Guryanov Andrey/Shutterstock
Source: https://t-tees.com
Category: Blog
