Are you struggling with online dating and failing to find new prospects at singles’ gatherings? It’s possible that you’re aiming too high. But how can you be sure? Do you possess the qualities to naturally attract the kind of person you desire?

Dr. Larry Davis, an author and social psychologist, challenges single men and women to be brutally honest in determining their “Romantic Market Value” and to target potential partners accordingly. In his groundbreaking book, “Black and Single,” he introduced this concept in the 90s, serving as a wake-up call for love seekers of all backgrounds.

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But is the “Romantic Market Value” the same for men and women? Are the qualities that make a man desirable the same qualities that give a woman an edge? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Nature, with its survival-of-the-fittest mentality, plays an unfair role in the dating and partnering realms.

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After more than two decades as a professional matchmaker, I have discovered that women seeking long-term relationships find men with certain traits most desirable. These traits include success, financial security, intelligence, trustworthiness, honesty, moral character, love, a fun and funny personality, good communication skills, attractiveness, and shared passions and activities.

On the other hand, a man is likely to find a woman desirable based on different factors. These factors include her attractiveness, kindness, sweetness, warmth, thoughtfulness, respect, appreciation, fun-loving nature, positivity, compatible passions and lifestyles, intelligence, and workplace achievements.

So where is the problem? In today’s world, ambitious and successful women often lead with their career accomplishments. However, none of that matters to a man if he is not attracted to her or does not find her warm, sweet, and kind. If he senses that she may not show him sincere respect and admiration, he will likely pass her by and target a woman who seems to be a softer and more supportive partner. This is why men tend to gravitate towards teachers and nurses rather than trial attorneys and CEOs.

So, what can women do? It’s not about quitting your job or downplaying your achievements, but rather about emphasizing your femininity. Practice kindness, be a good listener, take care of your appearance, stay fit, and embrace your positive, youthful, and playful spirit.

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Here’s an example of someone who transformed her dating life using this advice. Kathy, a highly successful real estate developer, was puzzled when she didn’t receive a second date invitation from a man she thought was perfect for her. On their first date, she dominated the conversation, focusing on business and finance, and bragging about her accomplishments, forgetting to let him take the lead. After a coaching session focused on sharing from a softer, more feminine place, Kathy had a second chance with this man. She opened up, listened, and showed appreciation and respect. Now, they’re on their seventh date, and things are going well.

Kathy recently emailed me to share that her “Romantic Market Value” has increased. She has become a better listener and has improved her ability to show sincere appreciation and respect. I believe in Kathy’s chances with this remarkable man.

In conclusion, men and women have different criteria for attraction and desirability. While men prioritize physical attraction and a pleasant personality, women seek qualities such as success, honesty, and communication skills. It’s important for women to balance their achievements with their femininity to attract the right partner.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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Category: Blog