“Ideals are peaceful. History is violent.”

Nothing cleanses the palette like a great war movie. There’s something about the clear cut battle between good and evil made in a way that doesn’t represent every previous war movie ever released. It also heightens the mood, because whatever problems you are facing pale in comparison to American soldiers dueling with German tiger tanks near the end of a war that the latter is about to lose. David Ayer’s Fury recently landed on Netflix, and the red meat and potatoes World War II film still amazes a decade later.

Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks aren’t the only ones who can make a good war movie; they’re just the only ones who can find Oscar attention with their work. Ayer prefers to serve up a good old fashioned, gritty underdog WWII story with a great cast, compelling action, and a blunt tip about brotherhood and the cost of battle. When this baby popped up on my Netflix queue, the need to be productive for two hour ceased to exist. I may have taken my pants off while watching, but that’s up for debate.

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What’s not up for debate is how enraged St. Louis Cardinals fans become on social media about a depth move. They signed veteran shortstop Brandon Crawford to be a backup for Masyn Winn while Tommy Edman recovers from wrist surgery. A move that brings in a guy holding FOUR gold gloves and TWO World Series titles. It’s like getting mad that Taco Bell brought back a great craving menu item, and treating the move like a right to lose every game Crawford appears in.

This mindset is borderline nuts by the way. Let me set them straight. Is there really a problem with the team bringing on a guy who knows how to play the position at a high level on a one-year, $2 million deal. Another one-year stint that just riles up fans for some reason. Who else should be backing up Winn while Edman is down? Brendan Donovan could be playing nearly every position on the field, so don’t say him. His defense isn’t that great at shortstop anyway, so Crawford is a wise addition.

His 2022 wasn’t good and 2023 was even worse, but those are starter-stapled seasons. This is a backup role, one that fits a team that likes its age and beauty on the same plate. Matt Carpenter is basically *whispers* a player/coach signing. Mark my words there, because he’s also not playing a ton… unless he hits.

If Crawford’s bat returns, he gets more reps. If it stays in neutral and can’t rise above Winn’s still very raw offensive skills, then he gets less reps. It’s so simple, a robotic manager could do it. He’s not stealing starts from Winn. He merely spelled an end to the Buddy Kennedy era. The infielder was designated for assignment to make room for Crawford. You don’t know who that is, and that’s okay. No, he’s not your plumber’s brother.

Don’t overthink it. That’s what amateur fans do. They wish to be enraged about something, such as the inability of Bill DeWitt Jr. to spend $200 million on starting pitching acquisitions, and they attach that rage to the Crawford addition. Here’s the thing. They’ll still cheer when he makes a run-saving stab in the hole at short. That’s how it always works.

If the unrest was serious, those unimpressed fans wouldn’t watch the games or cheer when the new guy does something well. They’ll wait instead for him to go hitless in four at-bats before throwing a huge fit. I see it as a solid, non harmful, depth move. Inexpensive and potentially very rewarding.

Go paid, get the entire buffet

There’s little that’s inexpensive about Kevin Costner’s upcoming two-part summer western movie blast. Horizon: An American Saga got its first trailer this week.

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The pre and post Civil War epic will be released in two parts in June and August. If you’re wondering if that’s unprecedented for a studio to release a movie and its sequel in the same season of a year, you’re probably right. Warner Brothers is banking on the Dances with Wolves and Open Range Costner filmmaker, not The Postman or Waterworld. When you watch the trailer, all potential endgames show themselves.

I’ll be honest and admit after a second viewing, the sweeping shots of the very wild west and aesthetic of what Costner built does sink into the cinema lover’s brain. A few looks at that trailer, and it’s hard to miss the risk and reward smashing into one another. The two parts aren’t the end, either. Like a man gathering his horses before battle, Costner is still searching for funding for the third and fourth parts of the story.

The cost of the two films sits closer to $300 million than Warners would like, but their trust in the Yellowstone rebirth of their director/star is rock solid. It was Taylor Sheridan’s television series that brought Mr. Costner back to the yard of the viewers that provided him with a measurable amount of clout.

He’s truly going for it, taking one last big shot with a movie that commands attention and respect. Costner co-wrote, directed, produced, and has the lead role. While it’s his baby, the supporting cast of Danny Huston, Sam Worthington, Sienna Miller, Michael Rooker, Jenna Malone, Luke Wilson, Jeff Fahey, and Will Patton. Come June 28 and Aug. 16, we get to find out.

When Harrison Bader found out he could grow a beard again, that must have been a great moment in his life. While playing for his native Bronx bombers was a thrill, being as clean shaven as a junior in high school couldn’t have been fun. All those shaves, essentially fighting off ingrown hairs every time, must have been a drag. The Yankees policy of no facial hair has always been one of the most annoying things in sports.

I get it when it pertains to sanitation and health regulations in a company or industry, but what part of playing baseball prohibits a man from growing fur on his cheeks? Remember how Lance Lynn looked like a guy who was put in Witness Protection after throwing too many fastballs? That was bad. Thankfully, Bader switched teams in New York and now plays for the Mets. They like beards.

Bader is a fun player to watch, even if it shouldn’t be in St. Louis. At his best, the guy is still a wildcard when it comes to a whole season of production and the Cardinals need certainties. When a few of my Facebook friends mentioned the home team bringing him back, it was more of a wince than genuine interest. However, let the man have his gold locks and beard.

Complaining is something people do a lot. It’s like medicine to some; take two pills, and prepare to be enraged. Among the many complaints is the rising price of concert tickets. As is the case with most things these days, costs are up there with the overall demand, which allows venues and ticket companies to charge those higher amounts. There’s an easy remedy for it, something my good friend Kevin C. Johnson pointed out in his most recent article: DON’T BUY THEM.

The esteemed music critic for the St. Louis Post Dispatch for the last 25 years tackled the subject with a blunt tip that he’s known for if you read him-it’s my favorite style of writing-challenging readers and music lovers to search in their heart of hearts for the right show to go to. The fact is that I’d like to go see Bill Burr next month, but I can’t pay $150-200 for a chance to see him dish jokes. If there aren’t tickets that fall into my price range, I’ll do the most brave thing ever and just stay home.

It’s not so bad, cranking up Netflix and watching Burr go after Brits and their skinny jeans, Michelle Obama’s arena tour, and the one time he was slapped in the dick by a female comic. All of that is right there, one click away. His Monday Morning podcast is a collection of his weekly gripes. See what I did there? The live show, two of them, won’t work so I made other plans to still get my Burr fix.

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If the musician or band comes to town and there’s no way you can miss them, maybe buy a few less lattes and bar drinks for a few weeks. That $75-100 will stack up nicely against the allocated funds that were already set aside for live music. It’s that easy.

Well done, Kevin. That’s another thing. If you don’t make it to the show, just read his reviews. They put you right there in the audience with the sweat, tears, glitter, and alcohol.

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Now, here’s my gripe of the week, and it’s for the readers on social media. Read the article before commenting. At least three or four times this week, after I’ve posted an article on my feed, someone hops on and makes a point that I ALREADY made in the column. Or, they challenge me to dissect another aspect of the player or team, which was also inside the click.

It’s the immortal desire for some internet dwellers to toss a take without doing the work. They don’t want to give a blogger the click, but a piece of their mind will definitely be coming. There’s nothing worse than a troll or consistent asshat to step on my thread and open up his or her own moral high ground opportunity. Since they couldn’t put a few paragraphs together or compose their own take, climbing onto my ride without a ticket is feasible.

These people suck. Be better than these people. These people are the same ones who complain about high concert ticket prices and veteran depth moves by their baseball team. The Joker may have wanted to watch the world burn for real, but there’s a lot of folks who just love creating fires where there is no need for one.

One last thing. Go fuck yourself, mosquitoes. Yeah, those tiny bugs that land on your skin, suck some blood, and leave the awful saliva there to create that itching sensation. Yeah, they suck, swallow, and spit essentially. Somehow, most likely due to the strengthening effects of global warming, I was bit yesterday while washing my car outside.

I repeat. It is February, and I was bit by a mosquito. If there was one thing I’d eradicate in this world, it would be them. Every other bug knows their limits and boundaries around humans. The spiders and centipedes in your home may attack, but it’s very unlikely. They’ll eat all the other bugs that get into your house, especially the ones that can’t fly.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this latest rant. It’s me emptying the tank when there’s a few things to discuss, the new and improved Buffet. If you’ve already subscribed, I am very appreciative. If you are feeling especially giving, you can gift someone with a subscription. I promise it costs far less than a concert ticket. And even if they don’t like me, give it to them anyway and add the message, “Dan Buffa Sucks. Enjoy.”

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Category: HOW