We have made fun of Green Arrow’s Boxing Glove Arrow for too long. Sure, it’s easy to laugh at a man firing a boxing glove from his bow, but it’s still an arrow meant to knock bad guys out instead of piercing their flesh, and that’s genuinely useful. Besides, Green Arrow has had dozens of arrows over the years that are infinitely stupider — here are 16 ridiculous trick arrows that make the Boxing Glove look like the height of sensibility.
1) Aqua-Lung Arrow
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Plenty of superheroes besides Aquaman need to go underwater now and then, so keeping some kind of breathing apparatus on hand just makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is attaching a completely functional oxygen mask to the end of an arrow. Having an arrow shaft hanging off your mask seems needlessly unwieldy, but how often are you going to actually need to shoot an oxygen mask at someone? Wouldn’t it make infinite more sense to just carry an arrow-less mask around, and then attach the mask to an arrow as needed?
2) Atomic Warhead Arrow
Oliver Queen has a nuclear bomb. He keeps it on an arrow. As problematic as this is, here’s what I want to know: Where the hell does Green Arrow think he’s going to shoot a goddamn nuclear bomb arrow from where he won’t be instantly incinerated as well?
3) Mummy Arrow
When Green Arrow wants to ensnare a bunch of criminals at once, he has many options, including a variety of net arrows and even a bola arrow. He also has a Mummy Arrow, which wraps up bad guys with mummy-like bandages, which is kind of ostentatious, but still functional. What makes the Mummy Arrow so ludicrous is that the arrowhead is shaped like a tiny Egyptian sarcophagus. Look, Oliver. Just because you think of it doesn’t mean you have to make it.
4) The Arrow-Bomb
Sounds normal, right? But the Arrow-Bomb is anything but. First off, it’s not really a bomb. It’s a three-stage rock that fires nine more arrows — three short arrows, then three long arrows, then three more short arrows — making the Morse code for S.O.S. Hoping someone could decipher this ridiculously elaborate message seems risky; because I have to imagine at minimum half the people who saw it wouldn’t realize it’s an S.O.S. message, but instead think “Oh shit, it’s a bunch of arrows.” Even if it had a 95% effectiveness rate, how is this nonsense at all better than an arrow bearing a tiny flag with S.O.S. written on it?
5) Fake Uranium Arrow
For all the times you’re fighting bad guys who have Geiger counters and you want them to think they’re hanging out in a radioactive area.
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6) Tuning Fork Arrow
What possible use could Green Arrow have for a tuning fork arrow, you ask? Well, he actually managed to use it to destroy a tank by finding the perfect resonance to make it basically shake itself apart. That’s actually pretty useful. Here’s my question: How did Green Arrow know the exact tone that would destroy the tank? Also, does this means he’s carrying hundreds of differently pitched tuning fork arrows, because he never knows which one he’ll need? Did he fire dozens of tuning fork arrows uselessly at this thing, until chancing upon the correct one? This can’t be an efficient use of quiver space.
7) Acetylene Torch Arrow
Much like an aqua-mask, the Acetylene Torch is another useful item in any superhero’s inventory, and also like the Aqua-Mask, there is absolutely no goddamned reason it needs to be attached to an arrow shaft. Just carry a goddamned acetylene torch, Oliver, and on the rare occasion you actually need to fire one at somebody, attach it to an arrow then.
8) Mind-Reading Arrow
I don’t have the faintest clue how this thing works.
9) Heli-Spotter Arrow
An arrow with some sort of spy camera on it would be incredibly useful. Any arrow that could perform some sort of surveillance, especially one that might not be seen, would be a major asset to an bow-and-arrow-themed superhero. But the Heli-Spotter Arrow is an arrow with three giant, rotating mirrors on it, which leads me to believe it could possibly be spotted. Also, Green Arrow would have to be at a pretty specific angle to be able to look at one of the mirror’s arrows and see anything useful. Also, the arrow has a propeller on it, to keep it aloft, which makes me wonder why it needs to be a goddamned arrow in the first place.
10) Antler Arrow
I don’t what’s more insane here: 1) that Green Arrow has an arrow specifically designed to combat charging antlered animals, 2) that Green Arrow sees a moose attacking a small child and forgets he has an Antler Arrow, and Speedy has to remind him of it.
11) Stickum-Shaft Arrow
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When I first saw Oliver had something called a “Stickum-Shaft Arrow,” I worried that it was some kind of Silver Age, Native American racist caricature arrow. Nope! It’s just a long, hard shaft he fires at his eventual lover Black Canary, which covers her in sticky goo. No problems there!
12) Chimney Sweep Arrow
When Speedy needs some cash, he borrows some of his mentor’s arrows and going around town looking for odds jobs. One of these jobs is cleaning out a chimney, which of course is a situation Green Arrow foresaw and created an arrow for. I blame Mary Poppins for this.
13) Tumbleweed Arrows
Are you an arrow-themed superhero located in a dusty, outdoor environment that needs to obscure the sight of some Old West-themed criminal, and you want to be kind of an asshole about it? Then put away those tired old smokescreen arrows and use a Tumbleweed Arrow instead!
14) Smog Alert Arrow
Despite its name, the Smog Alert Arrow is what Green Arrow used when he wants to blind his enemies, but also fill their lungs with air pollution.
15) Skeleton Arrow
This is, and I am 100% serious, an arrow with a small skeleton attached to the end of it to scare bad guys. It’s basically an arrow with a Halloween keychain on it.
16) Fake Cat Arrow
HOW DOES HE EVEN GET THAT FUCKING THING IN HIS QUIVER?
[Images via The Arrowcave and Absorbacon]
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Category: HOW
