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What Did One Wall Say To The Other

Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks? A: Make sure one is a match!

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Q. Why did the banana go to the hospital? A: Because he wasn’t peeling well!

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Q: What’s the slipperiest country? A: Greece!

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Q: Why can’t you say a joke while standing on ice? A: Because it might crack up!

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Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill? A: It ran out of juice!

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Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad? A: They stamp their feet.

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Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp? A: The players dribble a lot.

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Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter? A: An envelope.

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Q: What is at the end of everything? A: The letter G.

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Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit? A: Fingernails.

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Q: How do locomotives hear? A: Through the engineers.

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Q: Why is tennis such a loud game? A: Because each player raises a racquet.

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Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away? A: A taxi driver.

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Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast? A: Lunch and dinner.

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Q: What did one eye say to the other? A: Between you and me, something smells.

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Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? A: She ran away from the ball.

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Q: What did Cinderella say to the photographer? A: Some day my prints will come.

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Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A: A stick.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: It had too many problems.

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Q: Why did the belt go to jail? A: It held up a pair of pants.

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Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job? A: They take short cuts!

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Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink? A: Punch.

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Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother? A: I wuv you watts and watts.

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Q: How can you tell that a train just went by? A: It left its tracks.

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Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: Just in case he got a hole in one!

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Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

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Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: I got you covered.

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Q: What’s the tallest building in the world? A: The library, because it has the most stories.

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Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread.

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Q: What did the class clown take a computer to school? A: Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.

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Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires? A: At forks in the road.

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Q: How do they serve smart hamburgers? A: On honor rolls.

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Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark? A: The hundred yard dash.

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Q: Why did the calendar write its will? A: Its days were numbered.

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Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people? A: Hi school.

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Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from? A: Parachute school!

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Q: Where does Friday come before Monday? A: In the dictionary.

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Q: What is black when clean, and white when dirty? A: A blackboard.

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Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use? A: Cell phones

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Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs? A: A screwdriver.

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Q: What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall? A: A ruler.

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Q: Why did the computer squeak? A: Someone stepped on its mouse.

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Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water? A: Hot, because you can catch cold.

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Q: How does the ocean say hello? A: It waves.

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Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school? A: He wanted to go to high school!

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Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny? A: We make perfect cents.

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Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter? A: Holes.

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Q: What did one hair say to the other? A: It takes two to tangle!

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Q: Why would Snow White make a great judge? A: She was the fairest in the land.

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Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits? A: In sundae school.

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Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear? A: News briefs.

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Q: What did one wall say to the other? A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

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Q: Why did the strawberry call 911? A: It was in a jam!

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Q: What did Tennessee? A: The same thing Arkansas.

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Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home? A: Because her mom would make her take it back.

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Q: Why was the baseball game so hot? A: Because all the fans left!

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Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil? A: Pointless

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Q: How do you fix a broken vegetable? A: With tomato paste.

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Q: What do you give a lemon in distress? A: Lemonade.

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Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? A: One minds the train, one trains the mind.

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Q: What did the ceiling say to the chandelier? A: You’re the only bright spot in my life.

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Q: What’s a tree’s favorite drink? A: Rootbeer.

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Q: What do you call a scared train? A: A fright train!

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Q: Why did the thief take a shower? A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!

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Q: What does one bucket say to the other? A: I am feeling pale today.

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There was a man in prison he tried to find a way out, but he couldn’t. Finally, he found a way out through the cellar. So, he went through the cellar and ended up in a park. He shouted “I’m free! I’m free!” and a little girl said, “neat I’m 4.”

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Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn’t take a bath? A: Stinker Bell.

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Q: If the red house is on the left, the blue house is on the right, where is the White House? A: In Washington, D.C.

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Q: What do you call two banana peels? A: Slippers.

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Q: Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son? A: His son, because he’s a little Bigger!

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Q: What is worse then having one baby screaming? A: Two babies screaming!

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Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed? A: To see how long he slept.

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Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake? A: It wanted to be a watermelon.

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Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck.

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Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch? A: Because he wanted to be on time.

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Q: What did the little boy’s mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym? A: “Tell Jim to buy his own shoes”.

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Q: What has three letters and and starts with gas? A: A car

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Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up? A: Because it’s two tired!

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Q: Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the “r” sound? A: Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!

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Q: What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty? A: O I C U R M T

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Q: What goes under your feet and over your head? A: A jump rope.

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Q: Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? A: He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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Q: What did the belly button say just before it left? A: I’m outtie here!

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Tom: I bet I can make you say purple. Joe: How? Tom: What colors are in the American flag? Joe: Red, white and blue. Tom: I told you I can make you say red. Joe: You said purple! Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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Q:Why did the opera singer go sailing? A: Because she wanted to hit the high C’s.

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Q: What`s black & white & red all over? A: An embarrased mime!

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Q: What kind of potato chips fly? A: Plane ones.

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Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth? A: The dentist is taking me out tonight.

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A man was driving in his car got a call from his wife on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway! Be careful!” He replied, “Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!”

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Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.

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Q: What did the laywer name his daughter? A: Sue.

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Q: What has a head but no body? A: A nail.

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Q: What did one egg say to the other egg? A: You crack me up!

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Q: What do a baker and a millionaire have in common? A: They are both rolling in the dough!

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A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said “I’m done.” The man asked “how did you get done so fast?” The lady said “it was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrarri not a Porsche.”

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Q: Why did the man take a pencil to bed? A: Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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Q: Why did the gardener plant his money? A: He wanted his soil to be rich!

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Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert? A: No thank you, I’m stuffed.

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Q: What did the calculator say to the math student? A: You can count on me!

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Q: Why did the banana split? A: It saw the ginger snap.

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Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line? A: She was caught taking a brake.

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Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good? A: They can make little things count.

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Q: When are kids most likely to go to school? A: When the door is open.

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Q: What letter can you drink? A: T (tea)

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Q: Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes? A: No one can eat just one potato ship.

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Q: What happened when the monster ate the electric company? A: He was in shock for a week.

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Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch? A: Fish and ships.

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Q: When is a car not a car? A: When it turns into a garage.

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Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist? A: It needed a root canal.

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Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator? A: Chili

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Q: What’s the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard? A: Sherlock Bones.

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Q: What did one flower say to the other flower? A: Hey, bud!

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Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad? A: He had no patients.

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Q: How do you cut a wave in half? A: Use a sea saw.

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Q: What did Delaware? A: A New Jersey.

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Q: Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game? A: He was caught stealing second base.

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Q: How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity? A: Shocked.

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Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common? A: They both dribble.

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Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank? A: To get his quarterback.

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Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become? A: Wet.

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Q: What kind of dress can’t be worn? A: Address.

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Q: Why did the girl throw the butter out the window? A: She wanted to see a butterfly.

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Q: What has legs but doesn’t walk? A: A bed.

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Q: What’s green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet? A: Super Pickle!

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Q: What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with? A: Fireballs.

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Q: What washes up on small beaches? A: Microwaves.

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Q: Where do all the letters sleep? A: In the alphabed.

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Q: How do you open the great lakes? A: With the Florida Keys.

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Q: What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A: A river.

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Q: What did the picture say to the wall? A: I’ve been framed.

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Q: Who can hold up a bus with one hand? A: A crossing guard.

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Q: What’s in the middle of nowhere? A: The letter H.

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Neighbor 1: “Why are you putting those jackets on your house?” Neighbor 2: “Well, it says on the paint can to put three coats on.”

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Q: Which candles burn longer, bee’s wax or tallow? A: Neither, they all burn shorter.

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Q: Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game? A: Because he wanted to tie the score!

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Q: What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? A: Flood lights!

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Q: What can you hold without using your hands? A: Your breath!

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Q: Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result? A: The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.

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Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist? A: Tooth-hurty.

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Q: Do you know what the Queen’s father was called? A: King.

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Q: What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds? A: A scale.

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Q: Where do computers go to dance? A: The disk-o!

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Q: Why did the tree get a computer? A: To log on.

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Q: What has holes all over and holds water? A: A sponge!

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Q: What kind of flower has lips? A: Two-lips!

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Q: When is a door not a door? A: When it’s ajar!

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Two sausages were sizzling in a pan, one sausage turns to the other and says, “it’s hot in here!” The other sausage replies, “Hey a talking sausage!”

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Q: Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain: A: They are triplets.

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the Doctor? A: Because he was feeling crumby.

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Q: What do lawyers wear in court? A: Lawsuits.

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Q: Where do soldiers keep their armies? A: In their Sleevies!

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Q: Who makes the best cake on a baseball team? A: The batter.

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Q: Why don’t honest people need beds? A: They don’t lie.

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Q: What did the boat say to the pier? A: What’s up, dock?

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Q: Why did the drum take a nap? A: It was beat.

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Q: Why did the cucumber call 911? A: It was in a pickle!

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Q: What runs around a yard without moving? A: A fence.

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Q: Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd? A: From 2nd to 3rd because there’s a shortstop in the middle.

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Q: There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn’t they get wet? A: It wasn’t raining!

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Q: What do envelopes say when you lick them? A: Nothing, it shuts them up!

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Q: What does the winner of the race lose? A: His breath.

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Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i’s on you!

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Q: What kind of table has no legs. A: A multiplication table.

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Q: What kind of band can’t play music? A: A rubber band.

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Q: What’s 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese? A: The leaning tower of Pizza.

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Q: Who’s richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker? A: The baker, because he has lots of dough.

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Q: What is the difference between a fly and superman? A: Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!

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Q: What room can you not go into? A: A mushroom!

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Q: What did the candle say to the other candle? A: I’m going out tonight!

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Q: Why did the student eat her homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

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Q: What does the toast wear to bed? A: Jammies!

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Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike? A: They both have a hole in one!

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Q: Why are babies good at soccer? A: Because they dribble!

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Q: What did the picture say to the wall? A: I’ve got you covered!

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Two atoms are playing together when one tells the other “I lost an electron.” The second atom asks, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies “I’m positive!”

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Q: Why did the oreo go to the dentist? A: To get his filling!

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Q: What is a baby’s motto? A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again!

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Q: How does a train sneeze? A: Ah-choo-choo!

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Q: Why did a boy thow a clock out the window? A: To see time fly.

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Q: What are pirate’s favoite treat? A: Chips AHOY!!

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Q: Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend? A: Because it gave him a big wave!

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Q: What did the number 0 say to number 8? A: Nice belt!

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Q: What has four legs but never stands? A: A Chair!

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Q: Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn’t the other person’s hair get wet? A: Because he was bald!

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Q: What did the baby corn ask the mother corn? A: Where is pop corn?

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Q: Where do cars go for a swim? A: At the carpool!

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Q: Where do you go to find a million story building? A: You go to the Library!

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Q: Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence? A: The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.

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After each sentence below, say “my friend did too.” I went to the circus. I ate some popcorn. I went on some rides. I ate some cotton candy. I got some balloons. I got some more to eat. The balloons popped… MY FRIEND DID TOO!

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Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.

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Q: Why did the spy stay in bed? A: Because he was under cover.

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Q: What did the clock do after it ate? A: It went back four seconds!

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Q: What is the opposite of a restaurant? A: A workaraunt.

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Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because he saw the salad dressing!

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A rope walked into a restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter said “Are you a rope?” The rope said “Yes.” The waiter said “We don’t serve ropes.” So, the rope went out and burnt off his ends and tied himself into a knot. The rope went back into the restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter asked “Are you a rope?”. The rope said “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

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Q: How do you make a rock float? A: Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.

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Q: What’s a royal pardon? A: It’s what the queen says after she burps.

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Q: What did the picture say to the wall? A: I’ve been framed!

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Q: What did the peanut say to the walnut? A: Nothing. Nuts can’t talk.

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Q: What do you call a young army? A: Infantry.

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Q: How do Vikings send secret messages? A: Norse code.

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Q: Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job? A: He was board.

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Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 ate 9.

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Q: What goes up and down but never moves? A: Stairs.

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Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? A: Elvis Parsley.

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Q: What’s black and white and red all over? A: A newspaper!

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Q: What’s the best parting gift? A: A comb.

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Q: When do you go on red and stop on green? A: When you are eating a watermelon.

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Q: Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field? A: Because there are too many ears.

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Q: Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor? A: Because she wanted to get a good scoop.

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Q: Why did the TV cross the road? A: Because it wanted to be a flat screen.

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Q: What would you call a humorous knee? A: Fun-ny!

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Q: What goes on and on and has an i in the middle? A: An onion

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A race is about to start. The coach says “1!2!3! GO!” and blows the whistle. Everybody except Fred runs. Coach: Fred! Why aren’t you running? Fred: Because my number is 4.

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Q: What kind of jam can you not eat? A: A traffic jam.

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Q: Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? A: They were sitting on the deck!

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta

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Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game? A: Twister!

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Q: What kind of shoes do bannanas make? A: Slippers!

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Q: Why is b always cool? A: Because it’s between ac.

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Q: Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game? A: Because he traveled a lot.

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Q: Were does a boat go when it is sick? A: To the dock.

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Q: What day of the week tastes the best? A: Sunday!

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Teacher: Billy, where on the map is The United States? Billy: Over there. Teacher: Right. Now Susan, who discovered The United States? Susan: Billy!

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There’s a green and purple grape. The green grape says to the purple grape, “Breathe, breathe!”

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