What Does Hoobastank Mean - T-Tees - Your Answers Await, Life's Questions Unraveled

If we were to convene a Congress of Band Names, with the express intent of codifying a declaration of the worst band names of all time, delegates would trip over themselves trying to be the first to nominate Hoobastank. (Or, as the band stylizes it, H∞bastank, because why not make it worse?)

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Twenty years ago, Hoobastank sidled into the world’s consciousness with their self-titled major-label debut. Little did they know immortality awaited—albeit the kind achieved by appearing in every listicle about terrible band names. Sure, Hoobastank have sold millions of albums, and their breakthrough song, a power ballad called “The Reason,” has half a billion plays on Spotify, but let us be clear: The name Hoobastank will outlive anything the band accomplishes artistically.

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Hoobastank understand the burden they gave themselves. Singer-guitarist Doug Robb posted a TikTok earlier this year where he sang a line from “The Reason” vis à vis his band’s terrible name.

He also talked about it in the bio for Hoobastank’s 2018 album, Push Pull:

“Sometimes you make dumb decisions when you’re young, and that might have been one of them. It’s too late trying to peel that off and start something else at this point.”

True, you can’t hide who you are—and who you are is guy who made a career out of Hoobastank. (That’s pretty impressive, honestly.)

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Actually, they used to be called Hoobustank, which appears on their independently released first album, They Sure Don’t Make Basketball Shorts Like They Used To.

“People kept pronouncing it wrong. They would say ‘Hoo-boo-stank,’” said drummer Chris Hesse in a 2003 interview, so the band decided to change it. Let’s pause a moment here. They had the chance to change their name before anyone knew who they were, and yet…?

I picture the band members sitting around in a sweltering SoCal practice space, fed up after one too many promoters mispronounced their name. “Guys, we need to change our name. It’s holding us back,” one of them may have said. The others murmured their agreement. They’d all been thinking it too, but felt uneasy about bringing it up. A heavy pause hung in the air. Finally, someone spoke up. “I got it.” The others looked at him. “Hoobastank!” High fives followed, then they shotgunned Coors Light.

But where did it come from? What does it mean? Whom can we blame for its existence?

They’re all valid questions, but Robb and his compatriots have played it coy for more than two decades, offering varying accounts of the name’s origin. It’s “a Californian or, in the area that I grew up, it’s a slang term for someone who has a shoe fetish,” Robb said in 2002. (The band formed in Agoura Hills, not far from LA.) Hesse has said it comes from a street in Germany that Robb mispronounced. Guitarist Dan Hestrin has said it means “hopscotch” in an unnamed foreign language. Or it’s what the “H” stands for in “Jesus H. Christ.”

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In my research, I found no definitive answer. Asking the meaning of Hoobastank is like asking what state is home to Springfield on The Simpsons. There’s no answer.

POST-SCRIPTS

I still love Schooled Stupid and will defend its honor (even though we ditched the name shortly thereafter).
While I agree Hoobastank is a terrible name—I loathe the word “stank” in all forms—I still find it to be less terrible than Fu-Schnickens.
If Hoobastank had to change their name after being canceled, I predict they’d go with For(N)ever, the title of their 2009 album. Fans already know it, and it’s also terrible. Win-win.
I have no memory of ever hearing “The Reason” prior to last week, but I must have, right? Also, I never need to hear it again, not that my opinion matters. Since last week, “The Reason” has racked up an additional 3 million Spotify streams.