God clearly commands us, even as adults, to honor and respect our parents. Yet, most of us grew up in homes with imperfect parents. Some have even endured physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. How do we honor our parents when we believe they have failed us, sometimes miserably?

Today’s Readings:

Job 35 & 36 Psalm 99.1-9 Proverbs 23.22-25 1 Corinthians 4.1-21

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Proverbs 23.22-25:

Buy the Truth & Do Not Sell It

Before we talk about honoring our parents, a note about verse 23 which says:

Buy the truth, and do not sell it, also wisdom and instruction and understanding.

Jesus said it this way. Matthew 13.45-46:

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

We should be willing to get God’s truth no matter what the cost. And it does cost us in time and attention. Once we have gotten it, we should not be willing to give it up, not for wealth or fame or popularity or anything else. Nothing is worth more, not now and not for eternity.

Adult Children & Their Parents

Verses 22 and 25 talk about the parent-child relationship. These verses are important, not just for young children, but for adult children, as well.

Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.

Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her who bore you rejoice.

That does not mean our relationship with our parents remains the primary relationship once we are grown and married or on our own. That would contradict the clear command of Scripture in Genesis 2.24 and other commands to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves. But we should continue to have a respectful attitude and show them honor. We can be respectful and listen politely even when we don’t always follow their advice. We should also make sure they are cared for if they are unable to care for themselves.

But how do you honor imperfect parents, those who have failed, sometimes in terrible ways?

Honoring Imperfect Parents

We live in a fallen world. I don’t know anyone who grew up in a perfect home. I know I made many mistakes when raising my children. So did my parents and yours most likely, too.

I also know many adult children who refuse to see their childhood through God’s eyes or even from an adult perspective. Instead, often because of bitterness and unforgiveness, they continue to view their childhood through a childish lens.

As children, we all have a narrow understanding of the world. We only see how decisions and circumstances affect us. We don’t usually see the big picture.

Children may blame a single mom for leaving a marriage and destroying their home. They may never know that their father was an adulterer or an abuser because their mother didn’t want to destroy their relationship with him.

Children in blended families sometimes resent a step-parent without ever appreciating the difficulties, financial strains, and sacrifices parents and step-parents make. All they see is that this person is NOT their biological parent. That thinking breeds resentment and rebellion in childhood and a lack of grace and thankfulness in adulthood.

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One of the biggest issues is often favoritism or perceived favoritism. And certainly, parents need to avoid sinfully favoring or comparing one child to another.

But with four grown children, thirteen grandchildren, and fourteen great-grandchildren, as well as, counseling many families, I can tell you that every child is different. What works with or motivates one doesn’t with another. Also, parents are growing and changing. They may change their parenting style as they mature, especially if they become believers along the way.

And grown children may fail to consider their own part in difficult parent-child or step-parent relationships. Children, not just parents, are responsible for their actions.

Even a child is known by his deeds, Whether what he does is pure and right (Prov. 20.11).

Grace & Forgiveness

I know there are exceptions, but most parents did the best they could with the information and understanding they had. I know there are parents who were neglectful or abusive either because of substance abuse or their own brokenness and sinfulness. But grace and forgiveness can and should be extended even in those circumstances.

Ultimately, we should honor and respect our parents, not because they deserve it, but because God commands it. Unforgiveness is a dead-end and will ultimately hinder our relationships with God and others.

If you struggle with an ungodly attitude toward a parent or step-parent, pray and ask God for His wisdom and grace. Choose to forgive and restore the relationship, if possible.

Romans 12 says:

14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

20 Instead,

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

A Final Word of Caution

There are, of course, times when it’s not wise to re-establish an ongoing relationship with someone, even a parent. If it would put you or your children at risk of further physical or sexual abuse, for example. And there are times when you must report abuse or speak up to protect other family members from the same abuse. But even in those cases, God’s Word instructs us to forgive and extend whatever grace we can.

Today’s Other Readings:

Job 35 & 36:

Adversity

He delivers the poor in their affliction, and opens their ears in oppression (36.15).

God uses tests, trials, and times of suffering to draw us closer to Him. This can be true of our past as we talked about above. Or it can be a trial we are faced with today.

Sadly, we are often content to go about our lives without giving God much thought or settling for a mediocre relationship with Him until we are faced with adversity. Sometimes the only way He can get our attention is through hardship.

But in other cases, even when we are living our lives to please Him (as Job was), He allows adversity to take us to a higher place with Him, not to pull us down. That is when trusting Him is so important.

Psalm 99.1-9:

Appropriate Consequences

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You answered them, O LORD our God; You were to them God-Who-Forgives, though You took vengeance on their deeds (v. 8).

Though 1 John 1.9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” God’s forgiveness doesn’t always mean the removal of all consequences.

Galatians 6 says:

7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

We are no longer under the judgment of the law. If we are saved, we won’t suffer eternal punishment for our sins, but God does allow appropriate consequences in our lives for His divine purposes (Heb. 12.5-11).

If that’s you, if you feel you continue to suffer consequences for something in your past, don’t run from God. Run to Him. Ask Him to help you learn all you can from your situation. If you are His child, He loves you and will carry you through it.

If you don’t have a personal relationship with God, He may be using your trial to help you see your need for Him. Many of us seem to look to God only after life gets hard. If you want to know more, I hope you’ll read this post and watch the included video. And if you have more questions, you can also watch this one.

Now to our New Testament reading.

1 Corinthians 4.1-21:

Just Be Faithful

Let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful (vv. 1-2).

Like Paul, we are all servants of God. He is the Master and we are to manage (steward) that which He has entrusted to us—whether our children, our finances, the truths of His Word, our talents, or anything else. Our responsibility is to be “faithful.” We are not responsible for the results, only our faithfulness. That’s good news and very freeing.

Coming Up:

In the coming days, as we finish the book of Job, spend time in 1 Corinthians, and continue our year-long journey through Psalms and Proverbs, we’ll talk about the danger of not judging sin, the truth about science and dinosaurs, marriage and divorce, what our heroes say about where our treasure is, and the balance between freedom and stumbling blocks.

I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our new sister site Joyful Marriage Ministries. While you’re there, click the “events” tab for information on our upcoming events and ministries, like our Marriage ICU© for couples who are experiencing problems that require one-on-one help.

If this post spoke to you, I would so appreciate it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.

And if you don’t already have a copy, you might want to purchase a copy of my eBook, 10 Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal. It’s available on Kindle or in paperback. The paperback book has 31 days of blank journaling pages and prompts to help you get started.

Blessings as you grow in Christ, Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways, And how small a whisper we hear of Him! But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.

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