My dearest child,
Though I have not experienced much in my lifetime as I am only 22 years old, I want to write to you in this stage of my life because I have experienced enough that I would like to share with you to help you in case you should experience the same things I have. I want you to know that even though I have not had you yet, I am sure I will be one hundred percent proud of you no matter what you do and no matter who you choose to be in your life. I love you, with all my heart and I am sure that you will turn out to be someone who will change this world for the better. I have faith.
You are viewing: A Love Letter To My Son For When I’m Gone
First off, I want to tell you that life is hard. I’m sure I’ve told you this by now, but being a Navy brat I learned that life isn’t easy. We were lucky and didn’t have to move as much as other families, but having to be away from distant family (like my grandparents) was hard, having to leave friends behind to go somewhere where I knew no one and having to switch schools. My high school was the only time I did not switch schools. I went to two elementary schools and two middle schools. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. It wants you to prove that you are worthy of the life it has given you, and it wants to know that it didn’t waste it’s time by giving it to you. You are not the only one where life is going to be difficult, there are going to be people having a much harder time then you, but know that you will always have family and friends to help you when you need it because we love you and care about you.
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In saying that, I want to tell you it’s okay to let your feelings out. If you don’t then you’ll end up like me, bottling it all up until you explode. As a result of this, I developed depression during my teenage years, at age 16 I think. Even at 22, I am still fighting this battle every day. It’s okay to tell people what’s wrong, I don’t want you to ever feel as though you need to keep it inside and never tell anyone. I did that and it messed with my mind. In 2014, probably a really long time ago by now, I tried taking my own life and nearly succeeded. I’m not telling you because I am proud of it, I am telling you because I want you to learn from my own mistakes. I regret that day every day of my life, but I’ve also learned from it. I’ve tried opening up more to people and I’ve tried not to bottle up my feelings anymore because I don’t want to get to the point in my life where I don’t see any other way out. I love you and I want you to be here long after I’m gone, but I also don’t want you to end up like me where you feel as though you can’t talk to someone and feel the need to keep it all within yourself.
I also want you to know it’s never too late to chase your dream. I originally went to college to be networking technician because I was really good with computers. That still may be true, but I learned early on that I couldn’t and didn’t want to sit behind a desk all day in a hole in the wall office and not socialize with people. I am too much of a social butterfly for that. So I changed my major to something that I knew I could do and I knew I could do really well. I changed my major to creative writing because I knew that I write because I want to, not because someone is making me. They say if you do something you love, you never work a day in your life. I believe that with all my heart and I feel that every time I write something down on a page. I love writing, literature and teaching. I guess in that last sense I took after my mother.
I don’t want you to feel obligated to take after me. Yes I took after my mother, but she wasn’t the only one to influence me into a teaching field. I had a kindergarten teacher and a college math professor that were such inspirations to me. I saw the joy they got when teaching and I knew that I could have the same thing. Now, I can’t stand teaching little kids, so I chose high school but I knew that I wanted to teach students to enjoy literature, to enjoy the things that books and poems teach us. I’m sure I taught you that. I followed my mother, and I knew that I would excel in this field because it was something I loved. That’s all I want for you, I want you to do something you love and know that I am proud of you for doing it.
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I want you to know it is okay to ask for help. I hope I was always there to help you when you needed it, if I wasn’t I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to have to be there for your self sometimes, but I also knew when to ask for help when I needed it. I’m not talking about emergencies, I’m talking about times where I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own. Currently, my parents are helping pay for my college, and I’m sure they have my grave dug out in the backyard already, but I know they wouldn’t hesitate to help me again if I asked. They love me and I am grateful for their help everyday I sit my butt in the uncomfortable seat in Modernism class and read something about James Joyce (by the way I hate James Joyce by this point). I know what it’s like to not have my parents around at times or be unavailable, but I want you to know that should you need anything there will always be people there who want and will help you when I’m gone.
My dearest child, I love you more then I can say and I haven’t even had you yet. I am sure I am proud of you no matter your life or who you’ve become. I know that someday when I have you, you will be the shining star in my life and I will be there for you whenever you need me and know that you will always have a place within my heart. Even now I know that you will move mountains and set standards for others to live up to. I am so proud of you and I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul. When I am gone, I don’t want you to mourn for me. I want you to remember me for all the days of your life and know that there was never a day I didn’t love you. Keep in mind all that I have said, and know that I am with you always.
Follow your heart,
Becca Jo
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Category: WHEN
