This is the second lesson in the section of this book that looks at the life of King David as we examine various kings in the Bible to not only familiarize ourselves with their lives but also to learn something about our own lives from studying theirs.
The story of King David’s relationship with Abigail not only teaches us about him but also reveals what is pleasing to God in a man or woman who claims to be a believer.
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David and Abigail – I Samuel 25
Abigail’s story is neatly laid out in I Samuel 25.
The first verses situate us as far as time is concerned. David has been anointed king and heir to Saul’s throne because God was displeased with Saul’s disobedient spirit. During this time, however, Saul continues to reign over the land and maintains an insane jealousy of David and his favor from God and the people. We know that Saul continually seeks to kill David thinking this will preserve his hold on power. As a result, David is forced to stay on the run with his band of volunteers dodging Saul’s troops.
David and his men survive in the countryside by providing protection to small villages against foreign raiders and thieves. In return for this protection, he is provided food and supplies as well as a network of informers who protect him from the king and his many efforts at capturing him.
This is the situation as Samuel, the prophet and judge who anointed both Saul and David, dies. David, feeling the loss, heads out into the desert to hide from Saul and plot out his next move. We see David approach this rich business man for a share of the profits made possible because of the protection afforded his employees as they worked with the animals. This was not extortion, there was no threat here. Without David’s protection, this man would have lost men and animals to thieves and raiding parties. David simply came to claim a share of the profits and to celebrate with the others a good and profitable day.
Note the insult in Nabal’s response to David’s request:
- He doesn’t plead poverty or inconvenience.
- He knows who David is (son of Jesse) and his position, but he refuses to acknowledge David’s anointing by God.
- He says that David is nothing more than a runaway slave, not the future king of Israel.
- Nabal even dismisses David’s efforts to help him and refuses to give him any food or reward.
David’s men return and tell David of this insult. David straps on his sword and prepares horsemen to go and destroy Nabal and his entire household. Note here that there is cause for David to be angry, but killing everyone in Nabal’s house is not justified. Nabal is a fool, but being a fool is not a capital offense.
In doing this thing David’s work in helping and protecting the people does turn into extortion. In effect, he is saying, “If you don’t pay me, I’ll kill you.”
The writer now focuses on Nabal’s wife as she finds out what her husband has done and begins the attempt to save him, her household and herself.
The writer explains that David’s request was just, and Nabal’s response quite rude and ungrateful. So Abigail sends a large provision of food (which Nabal should have done) and prepares to go to David to plead their case in person. Note also how “self-righteous” David feels (verse 22).
Abigail greets him with great respect, respect reserved for a king.
Note also how she takes the blame for the negligence and insult towards David and his people. By taking responsibility, she makes David deal with her now. This was not manipulative on her part, some of the blame did lie with her:
- She could have made the gift in advance, she had the power to do so.
- She either was not informed of David’s work or had overlooked the payment.
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Either way, she is here now, takes the blame now, makes things right now, and is ready for the consequences now.
Abigail shows both her submissiveness and her intelligence as she puts the issue into perspective for David. She appeals to him, not to take his own revenge. This would be wrong. What her husband did was wrong, she admits it, but taking revenge would make two wrongs. She says, in effect, Nabal is so evil he’s not worth it. Allow the gift I have brought to cover the offense.
Unlike her husband, she recognizes his anointing as king and praises his future rule. She also acknowledges her loyalty and belief in him, unlike her husband who followed Saul and his rule.
Note also her use of the imagery of a sling-shot in dealing with his enemies, something David would recognize and appreciate (giant-killer). That’s really what this was all about: Nabal didn’t believe.
Here Abigail makes her second appeal, this time based on David’s future leadership. She points out that when he does ascend to the throne, it shouldn’t be with innocent blood on his hands. She also asks him to remember her when all of this comes about.
Have you ever dodged a bullet by listening to a friend’s advice?
- Don’t marry that person.
- Don’t invest in that stock.
- Don’t by that car.
The relief and joy you feel when the advice turns out to be true. This is how David feels and reacts when he realizes that he could have wrecked his entire future with one rash act provoked by a fool. David acknowledges that she is sent by God. He is amazed, delighted, relieved and merciful.
As it is written, “Revenge is Mine sayeth the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 32:35)
And so it is with Nabal as he dies from a heart attack after a drunken party. It wasn’t that he was just a fool, it was that he treated God’s servant badly, that’s always dangerous, then and now.
David rejoices that God has avenged him and that he has been spared making a terrible mistake. His offer of marriage to a rich widow also solves his food and supply problem and guarantees that he won’t be put into this position again.
Note how beautifully Abigail answers his proposal, with confidence and submission, true to her nature as a noble woman of her time. She was David’s second wife and with her he had one son named Chilean (Daniel).
Abigail’s Qualities
This is a wonderful story on many levels, but I think it especially develops the character of what a godly woman can aspire to be. When we look at Abigail in this passage, we see several characteristics that are quite appealing in a woman, aside from her great beauty:
1. She was decisive
Once she knew the problem, she made a decision and set her entire household into action.
2. She was brave
- She didn’t know what to expect when she met David. He could have just killed her on the road.
- One woman vs. 400 armed men.
- Bravery is facing your fear, instead of running away from it.
3. She was wise
- Without being dishonest or manipulative, she showed that she could respond to a foolish husband or a young king.
4. She was diplomatic
- Her approach and attitude toward David was respectful without being cloy or syrupy.
- She talked to a king with confidence and even with a little aggressiveness.
5. She was pure
- Abigail didn’t depend on sex-appeal or beauty to win David over.
- She remained faithful to her husband, even if he was insufferable.
6. She was insightful
- Notice how she put her finger on the real danger.
- The disaster awaiting was David’s potential sin in taking his own revenge. She made him see this, despite his hurt pride and anger.
7. She was honest
- She was honest with both David and her husband.
- She acknowledged her husband’s fault and her responsibility with David.
- She also told her husband the truth about what she had done. Both these situations involved great risk for her.
8. She was humble
- Her attitude was filled with meekness and submissiveness with both men, David and Nabal.
- Note how none of her other qualities are diminished in any way by her humility. As a matter of fact, her other virtues are heightened when seen alongside her submissiveness.
9. She was patient
- Let’s face it, she was married to an evil boor of a man.
- She had no children.
- She could have cried, she could have left, she could have conspired to have him killed. After all, David was on his way to do just that.
- She could have pleaded for her own life (kill him, let me live), but she didn’t, she saved her husband and household’s lives.
- She didn’t excuse him, she worked with what she had, patiently waiting upon the Lord.
10. She was truly spiritual
- Her appeal to David was based on scripture, Deuteronomy 32:35, Revenge is mine…
- Her encouragement to David was an acknowledgment of God’s choice of David as king, something her husband could not see.
- She knew the Word, the Lord, the Lord’s anointed and was a willing servant of all three.
I want you to note that Abigail’s beauty was not listed as one of her qualities in my observation of her. So many women today focus so much of their time, effort and attention on beauty rather than the things that Abigail possessed which surpassed her beauty and made it a non-issue. You see, Abigail’s beauty did not factor into what:
- Saved her life and the life of her household.
- Drew her to David. In praising her, David never mentioned her beauty.
- It wasn’t beauty that made her a useful and pleasing servant of God.
Lessons from Abigail
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There are some important lessons we can learn from Abigail, not just lessons for women, but lessons for everyone.
1. God can use you no matter who you are married to
Abigail had an unhappy marriage, but her goal was not how to have a good marriage or how do I get out of her marriage. Her goal was, “How do I serve the Lord despite the marriage I am in?” Many people think only about the marriage and how to solve the “problem.” They go for counseling to learn:
- How do I change my mate?
- How do I get out without feeling guilty?
- How do I find a new partner?
If people concentrated more on how they could personally be more focused and devoted to the Lord in love and service:
- This would help their existing marriages.
- This would help single people get their priorities straight.
- This would prepare unmarried people to succeed in subsequent marriages.
I mean, what good is finding a new partner for a few years if you lose your spiritual focus and even your soul?
The lesson Abigail teaches us is that it is possible to be focused on God, fruitful in His service and growing spiritually while being in a terrible marriage.
Another lesson Abigail teaches us…
2. God’s woman can function in any situation
In those times women were not formally educated, had no legal rights and no real social position. Despite these obstacles, look at what Abigail was and what she did. Her devotion to God and knowledge of His Word enabled her to deal with a complex negotiation and become an inspiration to generations after her.
- What man wouldn’t want to have this kind of wife today?
- What corporation wouldn’t want to hire this person today?
- What home wouldn’t benefit from such a one as mother?
Modern society puts down home-makers and religious women as marginal, without impact or influence. But God’s woman has:
- The spirit of God to strengthen her.
- The Word of God to guide her.
- The promise of God to encourage her.
- The family of God to surround her.
God’s woman can function dynamically in every situation, whether it be in the home or in the outside world – she is always God’s woman.
Final lesson from Abigail…
3. Abigail’s beauty was a bonus
Yes, Abigail was beautiful but:
- This is not what saved the day.
- This is not what impressed David.
- This is not why her story is in the Bible.
We are always first impressed by beauty, we easily focus on beauty, but in the long-run we find out that beauty doesn’t accomplish anything, doesn’t really produce anything.
Abigail saved her family, her soul, the future king’s integrity because she was wise, insightful, humble, etc., not because she was beautiful. You see, we remember beauty but we don’t admire it. It doesn’t inspire us. Abigail shows women how to deal successfully with men without relying exclusively on outward beauty.
In the end, David married a beautiful woman, but he didn’t marry her because she was beautiful.
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