What To Do When You Hit Rock Bottom - T-Tees - Your Answers Await, Life's Questions Unraveled

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We’ve all heard the term “rock bottom,” or hitting what feels like the lowest point in your life. It’s not an actual mental health condition and can mean different things to different people. But the gist of any rock bottom moment is that it can seem like most of your life is going to shit, says clinical psychologist and certified grief professional Cynthia Shaw, PsyD.

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Sometimes it’s sparked by a bunch of external factors that are mostly out of your control, like a mental health struggle, a death, being laid off, or getting dumped. Other times, your actions might’ve contributed to arriving at that low point, like flunking a class, substance misuse, or burning out.

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Regardless of how you got there, hitting rock bottom can make you feel depressed, anxious, lonely, or just pretty awful about yourself, Dr. Shaw says.

Obviously, starting a new year this way sucks. When you’re stuck in that emotional pit, the New Year, New You vibes of January can leave you feeling ashamed for not making gains, says licensed therapist Cammie Terry, LPC, NCC.

So, if you’re struggling right now, here’s how you can cope with your sadness, squash the negative self-talk, and get unstuck.

Name what you can and can’t control.

It’s easy to spiral about the stuff that you can’t really change, like losing a job, a friend, or whatever it is, but that only makes you feel worse. So give yourself a tiny push by identifying what you can’t control about your situation and shifting your focus to what you can, suggests Dr. Shaw.

Let’s say you’re down because you lost your job. To inch away from your rock bottom feels, have a friend proofread your resume, browse LinkedIn while you’re bed rotting, reach out to a coworker who always had your back, or network with acquaintances in your industry. You can’t do much about layoffs, but making the next move is fair game.

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Pro tip: If you’re a visual person, you can even make a list of what’s out of your control and what’s very much in it, suggests Terry. Put your energy into the one that you have power over and forget the rest.

Put negative self-talk on trial.

It’s pretty common to internalize the small stuff when you’re at your lowest, says Terry. Maybe your friends bail last minute on plans. Your rock bottom self might sound something like: I’m an annoying human, and they don’t like me…and no one does. That’s definitely not helpful in this moment (or any other, to be honest).

Instead of buying into that narrative, ask yourself if these are facts. Chances are, that internal voice is stuck in “distorted thinking” mode, says Terry. So are you really an annoying, friendless human? Didn’t those same people hang out with you plenty of other times? Didn’t they say they want to get together soon?

There’s a possibility that you’ll dig up some evidence to support your negative thoughts. Like, maybe this isn’t the first time your one “friend” canceled on you and, for whatever reason, they actually do find you annoying. In that case, you can go back to focusing on what is in your control—maybe you need to cut out this frenemy and make future plans with the people you love (and who love you).

Be nicer to yourself.

You can also cancel out negativity by saying nice things to yourself. If you’re not used to this, it might sound weird and unconvincing at first—it’s true. Still, using positive self-talk consistently can help you buy into those kind words, says Terry. You can try positive affirmations like “I’m worthy of love and belonging,” “I am enough,” or “I give myself permission to care for myself, love myself, and nurture myself,” she suggests. If affirmations aren’t it, you can write a letter hyping yourself up. Remind yourself that you can do hard things because you’ve done them before, Terry adds.

If nice self-talk isn’t clicking, think about how you’d treat a close friend or stranger, suggests Casey L., 28, who started 2023 at rock bottom because of alcohol issues and is now 10 months sober. She literally looks at herself in the mirror when she’s struggling and says, “Damn, I’m so proud of you.” Or she reminds herself that she’s strong for getting and staying sober. “From my perspective, positive self-talk when you’re at rock bottom is a small window into what your future can look like,” she explains.

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Cut back on social media.

Doomscrolling won’t help if you’re depressed, and seeing cute families on your FYP won’t make you feel great when you’re dealing with toxic fam members. So, if you find that social media is doing more harm than good, blocking, unsubscribing, muting, unfollowing, or deleting the apps altogether can eliminate that source of sadness.

Hailey T.*, 29, who’s experiencing rock bottom after a breakup with her fiancé, says scrolling on social media sometimes makes her feel worse. That’s because she’ll see a random tarot reading on TikTok that gives her false hope they’ll get back together or she’ll fall into a rabbit hole of stalking her ex’s exes on IG, she says. To combat that, she’s unfollowing people and setting limits for how long she’s on the apps.

Find small wins.

Accomplishing a tiny task each day—and then upping that to two or three when you’re ready—proves you can support yourself in tough times, notes Terry. Even if it’s just making tea or getting out of bed, when you follow through on that stuff, you’re “showing yourself, I am going to take care of myself. I’m not abandoning myself.” And that can boost your motivation to keep progressing, she explains.

For Casey L., taking walks every day and frequently going to Alcoholics Anonymous helped keep her accountable and feel less stuck, she says. Giving herself small tasks also made her feel a bit better—even if it was just picking out clothes the night before. “It’s so simple, but it’s something to be proud of,” she says.

Find some physical joy.

Despair or hopelessness can be overwhelming, says Terry. So when you’re in the thick of it, turn to self-soothing to ease that mental state. Terry suggests doing things that make each of your senses happy: Put on a comfort show, grab that blanket you love, light a candle, and break out some snacks. You’re about to feel a lot better.

Lean on hobbies.

Casey L. says she didn’t feel like herself when she was at rock bottom but diving into playing music, beatboxing, and painting helped in a couple of ways. The first was that it filled the time she’d normally spend drinking. It also helped her realize she had a lot to look forward to and made the time pass faster (in a good way).

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If you’re feeling off, find something fun and mindless to do like reading a cringe-but-cute romance novel, messing with ChatGPT, or doing some serious doodling. Try anything you used to love (or think you might really enjoy) but have been avoiding.

Get some support.

When you hit rock bottom (especially in the new year) you might feel deep loneliness or just unsure of what to do next, says Dr. Shaw. It can seem like you’re the only one struggling, she adds. So talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional can help you recognize that other people have been through dark times before and there are ways you can move forward.

Mental health pros specifically can help if you’re having suicidal thoughts, which Dr. Shaw says may happen to some people who’ve hit their lowest point. There’s always the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 too.

Chatting about your rock bottom is also just really damn cathartic. For example, telling her therapist that she has a drinking problem helped Casey L. gain a sense of control. “I realized in January of 2023, here I am and nothing’s changing. I’m drinking more. I’m drinking alone. I’m drinking to forget. I’m smoking every day. And that’s when I had this revelation: If I speak about it, I don’t give substances the power. I have the power,” she says. “So many weights were lifted off of my chest. It felt like saying it out loud made it not as scary, and it gave me the power over the substances. … I felt like, for the first time, I took my power back.”

Practice patience.

It’s easy for anyone starting the new year at their lowest to put a timeline on their progress, notes Dr. Shaw. But that just invalidates your feelings and makes it even harder if you don’t meet your feel-better deadline, she adds. It can take a while to notice a change in your emotions or start getting stuff done, so don’t worry about that arbitrary bullshit. You got this, however long it takes. “Don’t get caught up in what you think you need to do,” Casey L. says. “To change overnight is not feasible for anybody. … One little step is still a step in the right direction.”

*Name has been changed.

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