Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each quick tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness.
As a young management consultant, I remember attending regular meetings with a colleague named Dave. We were at the same level in our organization, both helping our corporate clients work through employee engagement issues.
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Yet, particularly in front of our clients, Dave would consistently act like he was my boss. He’d suggest that I do the “office housework” jobs like scheduling and note-taking (something women and people of color are more likely to be asked to do) while he nominated himself for high-stakes client presentations.
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Without fail, I’d end up leaving those meetings feeling worse about myself and stewing in irritation toward Dave for weeks.
Like me, you’ve probably had that coworker who treats you like a subordinate, though you’re actually a peer. In their drive to pump up their own status, they flex their power, usually knocking you down a rung. They likely interrupt you, minimize your role, and cut down your confidence.
If you work with a Dave of your own, don’t worry — there are ways to simple address the situation. Here are three strategies you can implement to confidently clap back at pushy colleagues and be your own best self-advocate:
Quick Confidence Tips to Push Back on a Pushy Coworker:
- Embodied: LOL. Yes, that’s right, laugh out loud! Humor has a way of disarming even the most explosive verbal grenade. Consider taming your power-hungry colleague with something they’re not expecting: levity. This doesn’t mean that you overlook or negate the situation. Instead, it’s a chance to acknowledge an absurdity without charging at, or even gutting, the other person. When they recommend you do tedious work for the fourth time you could say, “Did I sign up for the grunt work and somehow forget? Thanks, I’ll take a hard pass!”. And when they volunteer you for a new initiative, say “My answer is ‘nope’ to that project…that is, if it’s okay with you!”
- Interpersonal: Get some air cover. Most managers expect that you should be able to manage your time on your own. However, your leader should be aware when you are being pulled in different directions and prevented from completing high-priority work. So proactively contract with your manager that they’ll provide cover. Inform them that you occasionally get asked to work on non-critical tasks and that you’ll check in with them when it’s “on the line.” Then ask your manager to back you up and provide confirmation if and when you say “no” to a task. If your leader supports the boundary you’ve created, you have a much better chance of overcoming pushback from your colleague.
- Mindset: Be mentally prepared with some quick comebacks. Most of us don’t do our best thinking on our feet, particularly if we’re angry or frustrated! That’s why it helps to have friendly but firm retorts ready for that overbearing colleague. When they say, “Here’s how we’re going to divvy up the work,” you can respond, “That’s one way to do it. I recommend we…” Similarly, if they sign you up for a new initiative you don’t want to be part of say, “That’s an interesting project. It’s not realistic with my workload though” or “I need to talk to my manager about it first.” You can even redirect them by saying, “Let me steer you to someone who knows more about that.” As you do this, choose to reject “drive-by” requests. When in doubt, you can always say you need to think it through to avoid a “yes” that you’ll regret later. This is especially important for women who, according to research, are expected to be more agreeable than men.
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Having your confidence chipped away by a dominating colleague is never good. Try to externalize the dynamic and realize that their behavior usually isn’t personally or exclusively directed at you. The only upshot is that they’re teaching you how *not* to be a teammate!
So stand up for yourself. It’ll cement your reputation as someone who respects their own time, is thoughtful and reliable, and adds real value. Consider this your invitation to push back against persistent mistreatment!
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Category: WHEN
