When narcissists end relationships, they give weak excuses at best. They may say something vague like, “I need to get my head together”. Or blame you in some wishy washy way, such as “you don’t love me enough.”
This naturally leaves their partners devastated. This is all I get after what I’ve put up with?!
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Narcissists often give weak reasons for leaving, because they don’t want to admit the truth. Because the truth reveals how they REALLY think. And narcissists don’t want anyone seeing their true colours.
You’re left in limbo, confused and befuddled. Wondering whether they’ll change their mind, and what’s really going on. And that’s part of their plan.
The narcissist knows that without proper closure, it’s difficult to move on. Meaning they can probably snap you up in the future, should they want to. Which effectively leaves you on the back-burner, just in case.
It’s usually not worth listening to their reasons for leaving you. Because they’ll probably lie. Narcissists will almost certainly blame you, even when it’s their fault. And won’t admit their narcissistic motivations.
For sanity’s sake, and to help you move on, here’s the REAL reasons why narcissists leave their partners…
Please Check Out This Short Video To Aid Your Understanding…
The biggest reason a narcissist leaves someone is because they’ve found someone else. Narcissists don’t usually want to be single. So they rarely end a relationship unless there’s another lined up.
The narcissist perceives their new flame as an upgrade. They may be younger, better looking, or of a higher status. Or perhaps more importantly, they’re more controllable.
The new supply may not be a better partner than you. Not in a traditional sense anyway. But they may make a better partner for a narcissist.
Narcissists want someone who gives them narcissistic supply. Which is adoration, attention and control. That’s more important than trivial matters as being a good companion, or a caring person.
Narcissists don’t have emotional empathy towards others. So they don’t feel your pain. Leaving you for someone else won’t keep them awake at night. Just like upgrading your car won’t keep you up at night.
To them it’s a simple replacement. Like buying a new toaster. Of course they won’t admit this. Which is why you’re left with limp excuses.
Throughout my marriage I sensed she was baiting me into jealousy. She would flirt right in front of me. Make new male friends, and talk about them incessantly. And sometimes accuse me of being jealous, even when I wasn’t.
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I sensed that she WANTED me to be jealous. So I decided not to react any more. And this probably brought the demise of our relationship.
Some narcissists like provoking jealously in their partners. Or other strong emotions. There’s a couple of reasons for this.
The first is control. Narcissists like to be able to say or do something, and gain an emotional reaction. Because then they control you.
If they want to punish you, or want some drama, they have a go-to strategy to provoke your emotions.
When you’re thinking emotionally, logic flies out the window. You can’t think straight. And that’s what the narcissist wants. Because this allows them to get away with more.
For instance, if you challenge them on their behaviours, they can provoke you. Cleverly changing the subject, making you forget your original point. And they twist the knife, knowing their misdemeanour’s are forgotten.
If you stop reacting, they lose this control. And narcissists hate losing control.
When I discovered my ex’s affair, she stated he was more “romantic” than me. She gave her definition of “romantic” as him being jealous when she talked to other guys. Which pretty much confirmed my suspicions. She wanted someone who’d rise to her bait. And I was no longer that guy.
Narcissists may scarper if they know you’ve sussed them. You may have read up on narcissism and learned their moves. Or perhaps you intuitively know what they’re up to.
Once you’re empowered with knowledge, you naturally fight for equal status. But narcissists don’t want equality. They want domination.
The narcissist may realise it’s impossible to re-establish control over you. Because you’ve sussed their game. So they may feel it’s better to establish control over someone else. Because in their mind you’re damaged goods.
And with that, they’re gone with the wind. Because the narcissist won’t waste their time relegated to equal billing.
A narcissist may leave you, AND the area they live, if you tell people what they’re REALLY like. Unless they smear you first, and convince everyone you’re the liar.
Narcissists place great importance on their public façade. And may prime their partners not to talk about their relationship to others. This is presented as a show of solidarity. We must be there for each other. But really they don’t want you spilling the beans.
Narcissists understand that to gain the attention and admiration they crave, then people must like them. So they present themselves to outsiders as someone who’s kind, caring, and easy going. And they don’t want you ruining the show.
If you tell people what they’re really like, and they believe you, they may up sticks and leave. And start again in a new area, leaving you in their wake. Because they don’t want you ruining things again.
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Some narcissists spend their lives moving from place to place. Once they’ve used people up and been found out, they’re off to pastures new.
If a narcissist senses you’re about to leave them, they may beat you to the punch, and leave you first. Narcissists are often emotionally immature. And always want to “win”. But that’s only half the story.
Narcissists hate losing control. You leaving them is the epitome of losing control.
The narcissist may try to regain control by playing tricks to keep you. They may treat you nice for a while. Or resort to emotional blackmail to make you feel sorry for them.
But if it doesn’t work, then they may leave you pronto. Just to claw back some control. And even though you’ve forced their hand, this regains some pride.
Leaving you first protects their delusions of grandeur. And allows them to convince themselves, and others, that there’s something wrong with you. And not them.
Don’t take it personally if a narcissist leaves you. Because they’re not really leaving you. They’re leaving what you can or can’t give them.
The narcissist NEVER cared for you. Only what you did for them. And if someone can give them more attention, adoration and control, then they’re off.
Although it hurts, them leaving is a positive. It shows that you’ve outgrown them. And they probably can’t control you as much as they’d like.
Don’t be fooled into thinking they’re treating their new object any better than you. Yes they might treat them well in the beginning. Just like they did with you. But this is a ruse to draw them in.
Soon they’ll unleash their narcissistic ways. It’s what they always do.
Thank you’re lucky stars that you’re out the picture. And remember what they’re REALLY like if they approach you again. Because leopards never change their spots.
Narcissists go where they can best extract attention, adoration, and control. And as soon as supply gets low, they’re on the hunt for fresh sources.
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