I’m not a big fan of country music and the culture that surrounds it. I am, however, a fan of music with excellent lyricism, and that’s where Zach Bryan enters the equation for me. Particularly, the way he puts into words what it’s like losing your mom and not knowing how to cope with those feelings.

I’m not even sure I’d describe Zach Bryan – particularly the songs of his that I like – as country music. To me, a lot of it falls into the category of acoustic singer/songwriter music, similar to someone like Ed Sheeran.

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Putting aside the construct of musical genres, the thing about Zach Bryan that I enjoy is his lyrics. He lost his mom in 2016 to an overdose when he was just 20 years old. The way that he writes about the feelings of grief and anger around his mom’s death is hauntingly beautiful.

I lost my mom in December of last year, and I’d be lying if I said listening to Zach Bryan hasn’t impacted how I’ve dealt with and processed all of the emotion, depression, and anger I’ve felt over the last eight months.

The New York Times had a wonderful interview with Bryan last year where he talked about the impact of his mom’s death:

Annette struggled with alcohol, straining family relationships. She died in 2016, and afterward Bryan’s songwriting deepened. “I think my mom dying really solidified the darkness in life to me,” he said. “It opened that thing in you that’s like, ‘Hey, be a man now.’”

“People say I repress,” he continued. “And I’m like, no, the person that I want to tell all this stuff to is dead. And you don’t deserve me weighing in on my feelings to you.”

Zach Bryan’s songs aren’t simply about his mom’s death. They’re about the ways he’s handled that grief, both good and bad. He, like myself, has a tendency to fall into severely self-destructive behavior. He sings about shutting people out, crawling into his shell, and becoming afraid to talk to those around him.

Over Mother’s Day weekend in May, I coped with my depression by drinking way too much under the guise of hanging out with friends. I capped off the weekend by taking two extra doses of my insomnia medication and shutting myself off from the world.

Eventually, I hope to learn better ways to cope. I know I need to talk to people around me about how I’m feeling. I need to start seeing a therapist on a more regular basis. But I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in battling these feelings. The depression and the grief and the anger will never go away, but I have to learn to accept that.

My favorite Zach Bryan songs

“November Air”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

Dear Mama, how’s it goin’?Was the weather fair last week?Dear Mama, they were wonderfulAll the sights you’ll never seeAnd dear Mama, if I could hold you, I’d grab you by the armsTell you what it meansYou could take a worthless poor boy from the flatsAnd make him mean something

“Sweet DeAnn”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

This world’s not meant for showin’ mercyI’ve got pictures of us that hurt me’Cause I’m squeezin’ you and you’re smilin’ throughThat flash upon the wall

“She’s Alright”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

Well, the moon in New York tonight was beautifulI wish you were around to see it tooI’m so happy I could cry, why’d you’d have to go and die like that?It’s a shame when people ain’t around to seeThe smiles that they nurture, the laughter they breedThese people don’t know me, and I don’t plan on showing what I’ve seen

“Don’t Give up on Me”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

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If my mama could just see you laughI know that she could see the shine in youShe’d say thanks for takin’ care of her baby boy ’cause she can’t be hereAnd hug you ’til your little lungs turn blue

“From a Lover’s Point of View”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

But now’s about the time, loveYou really got to decide”Are you gonna be a good man to meOr die the way your mother died?”

“Letting Someone Go”

• Apple Music

• Spotify

Take it slow as you leave meDon’t you go home this eveningWith someoneThat you’re acting like is meAnd I will try my hardest darlingWait on a star that’s fallingAnd I will wait so patientlyOne thing I have quickly come to knowNothing kills you slower thanLetting someone go

“Dawns” with Maggie Rogers

• Apple Music

• Spotify

Give me my dawns backEverything that dies makes its way on backI lost her last July in a heart attackI need one small victory (Mm)Give me my dawns backEverything that dies makes its way on backI lost her last July in a heart attackI need one small victory

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