Updated Nov. 5, 2023

Navigating the choppy waters of online criticism isn’t always a day at the beach, especially when it comes to personal stories about dating and relationships. A recent conversation highlighted the harsh scrutiny some women face when sharing their experiences. Central to this is the concept of “hitting the wall,” a term used to describe the point at which a woman is perceived to lose her attractiveness, often linked to aging or lifestyle factors. This idea is particularly prevalent in certain corners of the internet, including the “manosphere” and associated groups.

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The notion of “The Wall” is often wielded as sort of a gloat, a way for some men to find solace or even a sense of comeuppance in response to their own romantic rejections or frustrations. It’s a narrative that suggests a woman’s value in the dating market diminishes over time, while a man’s increases. At least, this is what they try to have us believe.

A writer once known in the manosphere as Kyle Trouble candidly addressed this mindset in a 2014 article for the now defunct Return Of Kings, titled “Why Do We Root For Women To Hit The Wall?” He described the use of “The Wall” as a defense mechanism, a way for men to shield their egos from the sting of rejection by imagining a future where the tables are turned. It’s a temporary salve for bruised pride, but as Trouble admits, it’s ultimately an ineffective strategy for dealing with the deeper issues of self esteem and the need for validation.

To this part of the Internet though, The Wall is a badge of pride. When we talk about the women who reject us, string us along, and hurt us to the point where we are forced to reflect upon ourselves, there seems to be a common phrase along the following lines dropped it response:

“Well, wait until SHE hits the wall. She has it coming, the bitch.”

This phrase is nothing but a bitter mask to hide behind ourselves. A way to brace for the rejection, embarrassment, and difficulties of having beautiful women in your life, whether it be a harem or a single long-term relationship. Truthfully, it’s nothing but a self-defense mechanism, or hell, a wall, to protect ourselves and our masculinity.

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He is describing a defense mechanism used to deflate the sting of rejection, with the “She has it coming” line hinting a tinge of a revenge fantasy. It’s a narrative where the rejecter gets their comeuppance, a sort of cosmic payback for the perceived slight.

A lot of a man’s self-esteem is tied to the reactions he gets from women. If those reactions fall short of expectations, it can bruise his ego and sense of worth, prompting a defensive stance. It’s a way to deflect the pain, to tell himself he didn’t want it anyway, or that time will prove him the winner.

Kyle admits he’s been that guy, the one who mocks the women he’s dated to soothe his bruised ego. But he’s quick to call out this behavior for what it is—a band-aid on a bullet wound. It’s a temporary fix that doesn’t address the real issue, which is a fragile sense of self that can’t handle the idea of not being chosen.

He goes on to say,

I understand, because I’ve been there, done that. I’ve bashed girls I have dated, endlessly, and cackled manically as they gained weight and lost the sexiness that drew them to me in the first place. I have no doubt this will become even more readily apparent as I begin to reach my prime during my 30’s as a male. However, the endless bashing and laughing accomplished nothing for me other than a short-term band-aid, in which I could feel a little better about myself.

I realized it was nothing but a way to protect my fragile ego, because my own inner self and confidence couldn’t handle a woman treating me the way they sometimes did. In a bitter state, such as after being screwed over by a girl, it’s easy to fill with rage and hope that you can channel that energy towards sending a woman head-on into The Wall.

You can’t.

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That rage accomplishes nothing.

This admission sheds considerable light on the behaviors some men exhibit after being jilted by women. It’s a candid glimpse into the coping mechanisms that come into play when faced with romantic rejection.

Societal dynamics often suggest that women, generally speaking, have the greater abundance of choices in the dating pool. This isn’t to say women don’t face rejection or that every woman has endless options. However, it’s acknowledged that women, including those who are considered to be of a certain age, can and often do attract significant attention in the dating scene. It’s not uncommon to see a woman, regarded as mature and of value, being pursued ardently, with potential suitors sometimes ready to commit quickly.

On the flip side, many men perceive their dating options as more limited. When a man faces rejection, it can feel like a significant blow to his options and his self worth. As a result, some men might adopt a mindset that reassures them of their own long term value, suggesting that as time passes, they will be the more desirable party, as opposed to the woman who rejected them. It’s a narrative that flips the script, positioning the man as the ‘prize’ to be won in the end. However, it ignores the basic facts that as a man ages, he loses biological value as his testosterone and sperm quality begin to decline at around age 30.

Recognizing this can be powerful. It can help us discern when the issue at hand is less about us and more about the internal struggles of men. It’s about seeing the bigger picture and understanding that sometimes the reactions we receive are reflections of someone else’s battles, not our own worth.

Update Nov 3, 2023: Before you unleash your thoughts in the comments, a heads up: I’m all for free speech, but let’s keep it classy. Respectful and constructive input makes for a better debate and let’s face it, we’re all here to learn and grow. I draw the line at misogyny and disrespect— so don’t go there. This topic’s hot and clearly resonates, so expect more of my two cents in future posts. Speak your mind, but remember to keep the conversation elevated.

— Ash Pariseau

Source: https://t-tees.com
Category: WHEN