Gwen Stefani is looking back at her early days of motherhood, and having to juggle being at the peak of her career all at once.

The “Underneath It All” singer first became a mom in 2006 at the age of 37 with the arrival of her son Kingston, now 17, who she shares with ex-husband Gavin Rossdale. She later welcomed sons Zuma, 15, and Apollo, nine.

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Now, almost twenty years after she first became a parent, the doting mom is reflecting on having returned to work – touring no less – only weeks after her son was born, and the “disappointed” reaction she sensed from fans.

Speaking on a forthcoming episode of The Skinny Confidential Him & Her podcast, Gwen first recalled, per People: “I got pregnant, had the baby and when he was nine weeks old, Jimmy Iovine, who’s the guy at my label, he’s like, ‘You gotta go in the studio. There’s this African rapper you need to work with,'” referring to Akon, who is featured on her iconic 2006 hit “The Sweet Escape.”

A tour quickly followed, for which little Kingston tagged along. Of that decision, she said: “It just felt so real and right,” though she did add: “I got so ripped off on that tour because I was so sick. I ended up taking the baby when he was nine months and going and doing a world tour, like 120 shows.”

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Gwen confessed: “We’re in a hotel one day and I thought that I had to stop nursing because I was like, ‘How am I going to nurse and be on stage?'” but then added: “I waited my whole life to be a mom. That’s all I wanted, my entire life, and so I didn’t end up [stopping] nursing.”

Further recalling her and Kingston’s time on the road, she said: “[Kingston] had this fixation with twirling, so I would do my whole hair and my glam and I’d have to nurse him right before I went on stage, and he’d be like trying to pull out my hair.”

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She went on: “He was on the tour bus in a little cradle and it was incredible. He went everywhere around the world with me. We went to every zoo that you could go. I never used to see anything before because I was so tired but this time, I’d be like, ‘Okay, I got to take the baby to go.'”

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Though she certainly cherishes those memories, Gwen also remembered not only the exhaustion, but the feelings of guilt she faced, both over taking time away from her babies to work, and vice versa, as well as feeling she was disappointing her fans.

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She got pregnant with her second son Zuma right after the aforementioned tour was over, and once again went back on tour when he was less than a year old. “I got pregnant with Zuma. And I think everybody was really like disappointed, you know?” Gwen said, though maintained: “But it was fine, I had Zuma and we just kept going in the studio and we ended up writing this record called ‘Push and Shove.'”

Looking back, she said: “We did another 60 shows together… We went back on tour with the babies and that took it to another level. That was like, ‘I think I’m going to be dead after this tour.'”

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