This song is somewhat about death but really it is a commentary on what logical people deal with when they comtemplate religion.
The author starts to realize that he has been mislead into believing in religion and possibly God, and has been wasting much of his life doing and believing what he was told instead of what you want to be doing.
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“As if something that’s written should be taken as true” is a reference to the Bible. People take everything within the Bible literally, even though many of the stories were intended to be a model to teach people how to be good, not necessarily a history textbook.
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The reference to Heaven poses a question – if heaven is all that the Church can promise to its followers, why not just die now so we can go there? hence “Pray for death”
“My time” is probably a reference to death or one’s “Judgement Day”. Is this a real thing, he asks? If Heaven exists and there is a gate with Peter deciding who gets in and who goes to hell, Will he be judged differently if he strays from the path set forth for him by his religion? Or perhaps is straying part of his intended path?
“Pay for my successes with all my defeats” relates to atonement / karma, and “took what i wanted and put it out of my reach” is a form of asceticism, a religious practice.
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“Staring into the abyss” and seeing something that isn’t there is definitely a comment on Faith and religion – Faith is the belief that something does exist even though it is impossible to know for sure whether it actually exists. If you look hard enough for order in chaos, if you look hard enough for God in the world and universe, you will probably find it. But just because you think you see order in the chaos, that doesn’t make it true.
“But every path I have taken and conclusion I drew / Would put truth back under the knife.” This is what a lot of intelligent people wrestle with about religion – Science and Truth tend to disprove the tenents of Faith and God and the stories of the Bible. When the writer of this song thinks about God or blind faith, it doesn’t make sense. Faith is illogical. Religion tries to disprove science, and science tries to disprove religion.
I think the lyrics are about a person who has lost religion, or is at least doubting what he was raised/brainwashed to believe. He wonders if God is real, if he will ever find out if it is real, and struggles with internal conflicts related to “believing” vs. “not believing”.
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