‘I was the one you always dreamed of You were the one I tried to draw.’

From the first time I heard that line, I believed I knew exactly what he meant:

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Since childhood, I’ve always had a recurring dream of a girl whom, when I met her in my dreams, was perfect. Not just a perfect woman, but a woman that seemed made for me. But, as dreams are, the image of her was vague. I knew exactly how she made me feel in that dream, but if someone asked me to describe her, or ‘draw’ her, I would not be able to. I could try, but the attempts would never do justice to the perfection that she was in my dream.

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This dream girl, and the connection I felt with her, was the ideal I’ve been chasing my entire life.

I met a girl that was the embodiment of that girl in my dreams. We fell in love at first sight, connected perfectly, and loved each other the way movies try to make you believe you can, and the way most people say is unrealistic. We were together for 5 wonderful years, but the circumstances in our lives (long distance the entire time, and other family problems) caused us to eventually break up. These circumstances were our burning room.

I never stopped loving her, but tried to move on. She told me that she stopped loving me, even though she was crying while breaking up with me. She dated someone in between, but realized that, although the match looked good on paper, the connection was missing.

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I have been dating a wonderful girl for two years now. She’s loving, kind, supportive and beautiful. I know I’m lucky to have her. My friends and family love her. I love her, and could probably have a pretty happy life with her, but I know that I would never be as happy with her as I was with the girl I tried to draw. The connection is not nearly as strong and it always feels like an effort to keep things going. Although there was effort in the first relationship, that was against external issues. In the current relationship, the effort is to connect, not fight, and to understand each other.

After leaving the previous man, dream girl purposely didn’t date anyone for over two years and spent the time figuring herself out. I’ve learned recently that she still loves me, and would do anything to be back with me. Most of me wants to give up what I have and be with the girl I’ve dreamed of since childhood. To live the dream for the rest of my life. I also feel that if I am going to have these doubts for the rest of my life, and never feel as strongly for the second girl as she does for me, then that’s not fair to her (I would not want that anyways).

But another part of me wonders if I’m being greedy and wanting too much when I already have something very good. And I wonder if we should have learned by now, or if we should work out our issues and be together. I also fear that my friends who were there to pick up the pieces when we broke up would feel that we pulled too many false alarms.

Anyways, this song really speaks to me.

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Category: WHO