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Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Victor Nelli, Jr.

You are viewing: Who Pooped On Michael’s Carpet

Summary: Somebody leaves a pile of poo in Michael’s office, leading him to take over Jim’s desk, terrorize the Accounting folks, and wreak general havoc.

The Office The Carpet extras

• Read more about The Carpet in Jenna’s TV Guide blog!
• Read James’ Northern Attack recap.

The Office The Carpet quotes

Ryan: Jim’s been looking at me, kind of a lot, all week, I would be creeped out by it, but, it’s nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.

Pam: Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible. And this year I got to … the third week in January.

Creed: Hey guys. Somebody making soup?

Ryan: (Laughing) It wasn’t me. (Calming down) Um, it wasn’t me. (Completely serious) It was not me.

Kelly: … so now, I’m doing this new thing, where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor, and I walk around the piles to get an outfit …

Kelly: Beyoncé, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome, snowcones …

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Kelly: Omigod, he is so cute. Would you talk to him for me, and see if he likes me? Jim: No, I don’t think I can … Kelly: Oh please Jim, please please Jim, please please please, he’s so cute, I like him so much, and I would do it, but I’m too shy, please Jim, please please please, please Jim, please please please …

Darryl: What was that. Whatcha doing. Roy: I think he’s dancing. Michael: No, just … Darryl (laughing): That was definitely not dancing.

Pam: Somebody did something bad to Michael’s carpet. Maybe that’s all we need to know.

Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I’m talking about. Stanley: That’s not what a hate crime is. Michael: Well I hated it!

Jim: What do you think of Kelly? Ryan: I don’t know. Depends if you like a little junk in … um … she’s really cool.

Kelly: Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don’t tell him that, okay. Just tell him I’m like, up for anything. I mean I’m not a slut but, who knows?

Michael: My biggest fear is turning into him. Creed: Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. Michael: I wasn’t talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse, happy? Why am I talking to you.

Michael: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don’t have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, uh no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.

Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the PHONE! Jim: Yep.

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Packer: I’m looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.

Michael: Oh I’m just so sorry that I threw the thing out.

Pam Voicemail #1: Hey Jim, it’s Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you, and then Michael’s there, and it’s horrible. Anyway, I’m bored. Come BACK.

Pam Voicemail #2: Hey, guess what. I moved my computer so I can’t see Michael’s head. It’s working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.

Pam Voicemail #3: Sudoku. Level moderate. Time, 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert.

Pam Voicemail #4: I’ll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold please. Dunder Mifflin, this is … okay, sorry, Michael was standing at my desk and I needed to be busy or who knows what would have happened, so thank you.

Pam Voicemail #5: Hey, what’s that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe.

Pam Voicemail #6: Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I’m not messing this up, so, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Pam Voicemail #7: Calling from my cell phone. I don’t know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael’s carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an interdepartmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.

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Category: WHO