In a perfect world, you and your partner would be 100 percent equal partners in a happy, healthy, functioning relationship. However – more times than not, one of you steps into the spotlight to take the lead. While certain times call for one of you to be in control (you know, whoever has the expertise in the topic at hand), it’s better to keep the power balance pretty even to make sure no one feels like they’re being talked down to or not as important.
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Your mutual friends have asked you out to dinner for Friday night. You want to go but your guy would rather stay home with a 12-pack and Netflix. What do you eventually end up doing? You suck it up and put on your sweats and split a few brewskies with your dude. You not only go out, but you get dressed up and spend the night dancing away at your favorite place. You decide to go out for dinner with your couple friends, but you come back early so he can still watch a few hours of his show while you take a bath. You get really mad at him for “never wanting to do anything” and the fight gets so intense that you end up doing… nothing. You’re thinking about redecorating your bedroom. You want to do something modern, he prefers a classic finish. What does the room look like in the end? The room looks just like it did six months ago because neither of you could compromise (even a little). You kept the furniture pretty modern but incorporated rustic, warm touches in the artwork and bedding. It looks very classic with old world oaks and deep, rich colors. It’s all mod: sleek lines, simple functioning furnishings and white bedding. You’re taking your guy to one of your close friend’s formal wedding. When he pulls out his old tux… it’s a little out of style. What do you do? Immediately tell him that he can’t wear that or he’ll embarrass you. You then plan a shopping trip to your local department store to pick up something new – and expensive. He agrees that he could probably use an upgrade, but decides to rent instead of buying. He doesn’t end up going with you because you put your foot down about the tux. You get pouty and threaten to take your ex-boyfriend instead. He refuses to buy anything for “just a wedding” and attends as your date wearing something from the early 1990s. Be honest: who is initiating sex more these days? It’s pretty much half and half. Though, I love when he comes onto me! Always, always, always me. (But I like it that way!) We’re not having too much sex right now. Sometimes, we do have makeup sex that’s really hot. He wants to have sex so much that I just can’t keep up You’ve finally saved up enough money for a nice getaway together. How do you plan it? From where we stay to what we do, I take care of everything. I even send him reminders to ask off for work and what he needs to pick up. Both of us plan, but we spend most of the trip arguing on what to do because we definitely don’t see eye-to-eye on how to spend a vacation together. He usually likes to be the one planning everything, so I just go along with the ride. He’s better at picking out a cool hotel or apartment to stay in and I’m better at figuring out where to go while we’re there, so it’s really a team effort. When you argue, how does it usually end? We try to take some time apart to cool down and then come back together to work on the issue and talk calmly. We’re pretty much always fighting. Him apologizing and giving in. Me apologizing and giving in. None of your friends are available on Saturday to see that chick flick you’ve been wanting to see. How does your guy respond when you ask him to go with you? “If we see it, can we spend Sunday night at the sports bar to catch some football?” You wouldn’t ask him because there’s no way you’d want to see it with him. He’d just make it a bad experience. He doesn’t respond, he knows he’ll just have to go anyway. “Oh hell no, honey. I’m not seeing that. Go by yourself.” You wanted to surprise your guy with dinner (and some fun!), but he got held up at work and was home way late. What happens when he finally gets home? You yelled at him when he called to let you know he was going to be late and now you’re not even talking to one another. You yell at him for missing the special treat you planned for him and give him the silent treatment. When he gets home, he apologizes for being late and you laugh about the (now cold) dinner you made. You throw it out and order takeout instead. He comes in, crashes on the couch and ignores everything you set up. Your guy is off for a dude-only bachelor weekend with his friends. How do you act? You don’t care what he’s doing, you’re just glad to have some peace and quiet. You don’t hear from him the entire weekend. You text him constantly to see what he’s doing. If he doesn’t respond promptly, you call him until he answers. You hear from him a few times a day and you check in occasionally. Your guy has known for weeks about a big after-work party that’s important to you, but his friends want to go to a fun concert that same night. What does he do? Doesn’t even bring up the concert to you. He tells you that he wants to go to the concert instead and it turns into an explosive fight. Books the concert and tells you the day-of that he’s not going to make it to the party. Talks to his friends to see if you could go to a different performance a few towns over the following week and invites you along. When it comes to discussing the future, how does the conversation usually go? You lay out the 5-year plan you have for your relationship, including very obvious hints for when you’d like to get engaged and married. He doesn’t like to talk about what’s next, so you try to avoid the topic. You both are on the same page about where you see your relationship going and talk about it openly and freely. Future? You’ll be lucky to get through next week!
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