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Why Am I So Fat And Ugly

In Geneen Roth’s books, she talks about the dreaded Fat & Ugly Attack when one becomes convinced they are irredeemably unattractive. In more recent years, she also refers to it as ‘The Fat and Uglies.’ No matter what you call it, struggling with thoughts like ‘I feel fat and ugly’ can diminish your self-esteem and make it harder to be an engaged participant of your own life.

Largely due to diet culture, we all seem to have days when we look in the mirror and can’t help but feel dissatisfied with our bodies. The self-criticism creeps in and we find ourselves stuck in a self-defeating state of mind that’s stuck on one track: I feel fat and ugly.

It’s as if, in our heads, we are one size, but our bodies feel much larger. Why does this happen so frequently, and how can we work past it? Let’s explore some causes and strategies to cope with The Fat and Uglies. Instead of letting it diminish our self-esteem, we can use it as a doorway into personal growth.

The Fat & Uglies: Rising Strong from Body Dysmorphia

Before we dive in, I’d like to emphasize something that I frequently say here on my eating psychology blog: try to exercise curiosity and compassion as you navigate your personal journey. If your friend said ‘I feel fat and ugly’ surely you would not make them feel worse or talk down to them. Yet, this is often how we treat ourselves.

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Many people who struggle with low self-esteem are their own worst critic, and they are harder on themselves than they would ever be on others. Why is this?

I did a little digging to see if other online resources mirrored my thoughts, and I was surprised that some did not. Some articles talked about how we “need” to be hard on ourselves in order to grow back stronger. Clearly these articles have not journeyed a single day inside the mind of someone with body dysmorphia.

Body dysmorphia is a mental condition characterized by obsessive thoughts about perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. Emphasis on perceived. Someone with body dysmorphia can have thoughts like ‘I feel fat and ugly’ all while possessing admirable qualities. Worthiness is in the eyes of the beholder.

If you or someone you know struggles with body dysmorphia, it’s important to reach out for help. Even if it is the last thing you want to do (which it often is) talk therapy is an amazing form of self-care, and it is an effective treatment for body dysmorphia.

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