DEAR AUNTRY PAM: I’m hoping you can help me. I’ve tried to tell my husband repeatedly that, no, I don’t think it’s funny when he ‘breaks wind,’ but he completely ignores me. And the thing is, it’s not once in a while. It’s all day and often all night as well.
I was raised to go into another room (preferably the bathroom) if I felt something coming on, that it’s just downright vulgar and disgusting to do that in front of anyone. ‘Charlie’ says I’m being prudish and that all couples break wind in front of each other. We’ve been married for three years now and I’ve gotta be honest, it’s a complete turn off.
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Please help me, Aunty Pam. I don’t want to lose respect or intimacy with my husband this early in our marriage, but I’m at the end of my rope. – DISGUSTED
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DEAR DISGUSTED: You’re asking me for help to stop your husband from passing gas? Are you serious? Evidently you’ve never been within three blocks of my house during my husband’s famous, ‘4 Alarm Chili’ night. Seriously, the sounds he’s capable of emitting raises garage doors in the neighborhood. People move to a center room in their house and complete flocks of birds change course to migrate north.
The fact is, you precious, romantic soul, that many men are…what’s the word I’m looking for…gross. They’re just gross. It’s not really their fault; look at how they’re taught to view themselves early in life. While little girls are ’Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice,’ little boys are made of ’Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog tails,’ not to mention wet towels, nail fungus, dirty underwear and blackheads.
So what’s a grown man to do? In despair, they simply release the pressure of adulthood (and I do mean release) in a cacophony of blurts that put a fog horn to shame. And they do think it’s funny. It doesn’t matter to them if they are meeting the President and the Pope in the same room. If they feel it coming, they’re going to shift their weight and woe be to those in the general area.
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And so what are you to do, Disgusted? As this is physically turning you off, yes, this is a real problem that doesn’t bode well for your marriage. If Stinky refuses to even try to curb his flatulence, especially when he’s feeling frisky, then you have every right, if you can bear it, to respond in kind. There’s nothing more alluring than a gorgeous woman attired in a slinky nightie. And nothing more horrifying when she begins to copiously pick her nose and perhaps burp.
That should do it. And if it turns him on instead, I got nothin’. You’re on your own.
Sent questions to Aunty Pam at [email protected]
Source: https://t-tees.com
Category: WHY
