A boyfriend who dumped his jobless girlfriend because she slept too much has sparked a furious debate online, as the man’s actions proved extremely divisive.
He shared the dilemma to Reddit under the username u/SleepyGFThrowaway16, where he explained his girlfriend quit her job two months ago, and she’d been sleeping excessively for a fortnight.
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The 28-year-old, whose girlfriend is the same age, shared two posts on the subject, as he claimed she slept around 20 hours a day.
Dr Lindsay Browning, sleep expert at Troublesleeping.co.uk and author of the self-help sleep book, Navigating Sleeplessness, told Newsweek the amount someone sleeps can be indicative of an underlying issue.
She said: “The amount of sleep that an individual needs will vary depending on their genetics and be influenced by how physically active they are or if they suffer from illness.
“Excessive sleeping during the day and night can be associated with depression. If people feel sad, they may not want to get up and face the world and will spend much longer in bed.
“If someone is not working they may sleep during the day which can then make sleeping at night more difficult due to a reduced sleep drive which can perpetuate depression.”
According to the National Sleep Foundation, adults aged between 18 and 64 need between 7 to 9 hours sleep a night. And there are differences between men and women, as Browning stated women can sometimes be affected by hormonal factors.
Browning cited other external factors, saying: “Seasonally, our sleep needs can change, with people getting more sleep in the winter when there is less daylight. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, is also characterized by people feeling lethargic and sleeping excessively in the winter months.”
She also stated obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) “can also cause daytime fatigue with people needing to sleep for long hours at night as well as nap during the day.”
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Browning added factors such as caffeine, alcohol, screens and working from home can contribute to a disrupted sleep pattern.
In his first post, the Redditor laid bare the extent of his girlfriend’s sleeping habits. He said: “She falls asleep at say 10pm then wakes up after 12pm. Some days even after 2pm. Then she takes a nap like two hours later for somewhere between 3 and 6 hours.
“I think my final straw was yesterday. She woke up at 9, then took a 6 hour nap at 11. Then after waking up at 5ish, cleaned for an hour, then took a five-hour nap after that. She spent 11 hours of her daytime sleeping.”
He’d encouraged her to get help, saying: “I keep telling her this isn’t normal and she needs to see a doctor but she refuses. She says I’m controlling because I can’t have her all the time. She seems to think it’s normal for people to sleep 20 hours a day.”
And he said their sex life had also suffered as a result of her uncharacteristic sleepiness. He added: “There’s other issues as well: she’ll forget to feed the cat, do dishes on her day to, and has me cook almost everything. The difference is that those can be on and off where some days she does and others she doesn’t.”
The original post amassed more than 4,000 upvotes since being shared earlier this month. But an update, where he revealed he dumped her, amassed more than 12,000 upvotes, and can be read here.
He said: “I gave her an ultimatum: get help or I leave. I made it clear I will not sit around as she sleeps all day. It’s not normal and she needs help. I said I will help any way I can.”
He informed her parents of the issues, saying: “I know I’ll get hate but I don’t know what else to do. She refused my help, and I can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.”
He said as she is an adult, he couldn’t force her to see a doctor. After breaking up, he moved back in with his parents, adding: “Also a lot said I didn’t care or was selfish.
“I was frustrated over what I was seeing and wanted my old gf back. I wanted her to be better. You can say that makes me a horrible person if you wish.”
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The top comment on the viral post, shared on October 9, from OkJelly1903, warned it could be a sign of something more serious.
“She really should see a doctor. It might be serious issue. There were times I slept 18 hours a day. Turns out I have chronic blood cancer,” it said.
The chart below, provided by Statista, shows sleeping habits.
Others sided with his actions while others criticized the short time frame between the problems arising and the break-up.
Gwizzlestixx revealed: “I at one point I was, also, sleeping 18 hours a day. Turned out to be an autoimmune disease. Sleeping too much should not be ignored! Hope you’re doing alright!”
Spaceyjaycey wrote: “It’s frustrating when someone needs help but refuses to get help. I’m sorry you got caught in this ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ situation. I hope her parents are able to motivate her to get help.”
Healthy_Block3036 added: “This is not normal. Glad you broke up. Please ignore the people saying she is just ‘tired,’ this isn’t normal.”
While Tarbearjean added: “Two weeks seems a bit premature. Personally, I would’ve given it more time. Sometimes sleep debt can have built up so much that two weeks is what you need to reset. But yes, expecting to not have to pay bills for two months is ridiculous. Use your savings while looking for work. No excuses.”
Newsweek contacted u/SleepyGFThrowaway16 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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Category: WHY
