I can remember the exact moment I finally made the decision. I was at school, sitting at my desk before the day started. I was thinking about the previous night, where my husband and I talked in circles about me leaving my job, all the what ifs, all the pros and cons. I couldn’t make up my mind. Until that moment that morning.
It was a Tuesday. The day before I had found out from my principal that no help was on the way. It was a week after we submitted proposals to hire an additional SLP part time. And two weeks after I had a complete and total breakdown in her office…
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I had been working as the lone SLP at my school for 5 years. It’s a small, Title 1 elementary school that I adore. It was a hard job, with two self contained EBD classrooms and two full time PreK classrooms that kept me super busy. But I loved it. I had learned so much about myself as an SLP in the past 5 years.
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I had a caseload of 60 when I came back from summer break. In the first two weeks of school I had 10 referrals and they weren’t slowing down. It felt like every other day, I had a new student transfer with an IEP including speech services. The list of students I was serving was creeping up to 70 and quickly. I was providing therapy to about half of my caseload in person and the other half virtually. I had some groups that I had to see both at the same time. Add to that a litigious case that always creates extra pressure, normal paperwork for IEPs and Medicaid Billing. Every single day I felt like I was drowning. And for a while, I just kept swimming because that’s what was expected of me.
And then I hit my wall. It was the one that screams, NONE of this is right. NONE of this is ok. It was then that I started to think, how in the world am I going to do this until June? I wasn’t going to. Something had to give and on my lunch break, I walked into my principals office to tell her I needed some help. And then I just lost it. I cried. I may have even cursed.
Lucky for me, I have an amazing administrator who supports me. She knew what was being asked of special education staff was too much. She was going to fix it, and I walked out of her office relieved. I really thought it was going to get better.
It didn’t. It came down to that Tuesday morning. Sitting at my desk. Deciding that I wasn’t going to deal with any of it anymore. That I am worth more than this. I don’t deserve to live a life that is anything less than freaking awesome. I will not kill myself for a job that can replace me. I will not work myself crazy for health insurance (that sucks anyway) or a retirement plan.
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My momma taught one huge lesson… life is way too short.
So, for the millionth time this school year, I took myself to my principal and told her I wanted out. That conversation broke my heart and healed it all at the same time.
The world didn’t come to a crashing end. I have other opportunities. I still have health insurance and a better retirement plan. I’m still a dang good SLP. And maybe one day I’ll step back into that classroom feeling stronger about who I am and what I deserve. Until then, I’m still here.
We, as a profession, must stop accepting the things that are within our control to change. We must learn to say no. We must learn to speak up. We must advocate.
Source: https://t-tees.com
Category: WHY
